Warning:

This blog contains opinions, experiences, thoughts and observations of the author from his day to day living.
It is subject to comments, criticisms and corrections, and all will be dealt with constructively and do leave your comments I would love to hear from you.
There is no intention to offend, discriminate nor degrade anybody or anything for that matter, only shared feelings, emotions and angsts at the moment.
Welcome to my world.







Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Just Be Grateful

I got inspired by a special friend when I read his blog entry (http://mylifeinriyadhandbeyond.blogspot.com) about being grateful and thankful for all the things you already had, to the smallest things we took for granted and stop fidgeting about what will it be tomorrow and worrying about things to come.

Yes, it is true, that sometimes, we think much about what we thought were necessary, and overlooked those that matter.

Like the air we breathe, the fact the we still wake up everyday, we have work (amidst the world crisis), we have food, we still send money to our family back home.
Yeah, I do have lots of clothes like my friend Zhari too, to distribute to 10 families!

Realizing that it is okay to dream, even dream big, but what is important is the now, the author Og Mandino says in one of his books, "Tomorrow is only found in the calendar of fools."

I should be happy. It's a choice. I'd like to choose to be happy, with my loved ones, with my friends, with my work and with what I have.

Let go and let God, as they always say. If it's meant for you, it will happen.

Thank you Lord
for all the things I have.
For all the experiences, be it good or bad.
For all the friends I have.
For the reason I am still here.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Mafi Mushkala!

We have a pet cat in the house, we took her when she was still a kitten,cute,cuddly and playful. We thought she's gonna outgrown her playfulness, but after a year, she became these cute yet crazy cat that sometimes I am tempted to kick the hell out her, specially when she broke dishes and vases!

We call her sometimes "balisang pusa" or a cat in drugs, for she has this habit of running around like crazy, jumping from sofa to sofa, she even jumps and hook her claws on walls and hang there for a second or two, Spiderman, wstch out! Here comes Spidercat!
But I had fun feeding her, everytime I come home from work, she is already waiting for me beside her feeding plate, purring and looking at me in all cuteness and innocence and who could refuse that?
She also has this, well, I think, Arabian-air in her, that whenever she lies on top of a trhow pillow or on the sofa, she looks regal and sophisticated like any high-class Arabian woman as you can see in the picture! Haha!

Well, I'll miss her soon , for her owner will move house and take her with him.
It's the memory anyway. I never really am fond of cats, I like dogs more, but this is the first time I had a cat for a pet, and it's not that bad.
Mafi Mushkala is her name, an Arabic word for "No Problem."

Sandstorm Ever!


After more than a year in Riyadh, I never experienced such extreme sandstorm! I got paranoid and scared of these tiny, tiny particles of sand clogging my lungs! Imagine inhaling them? And after years of spending life in Saudi Arabia, I wonder if these will have an effect in my health!

I used to walk to the office in the morning, but this particular day, I took a cab even the ride took me just 5 minutes!

The whole day of Wednesday, February 11, 2009, a day when everything I saw was blurry and you can smell the dusts! The sun went from yellow to silver!

They say these are a sign that summer is on its way while others say another cold, cold days ahead. Well, whatever the weather is after, still I am a bit paranoid breathing these sand.

Also, this means that we have to clean the apartment, make "pagpag" our sofas, beds and comforters, wipe tables and vacuum the carpets! Kakalokah! Oh well, life in Saudi Arabia.

(I took these pictures in front of our office building)

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Ms. Angelina Jolie


Kumusta naman si Angelina Jolie??!! I've always been a fan of this lady. Her portrayal of various characters with sophistication and glamour can really capture one's attention. Don't forget here beautiful face and that famous pouting lips!

But what makes her enigmatic is not really here roles on the screen, but her personal life. Paparazzis go crazt whenever she and her husband of equal stature are in town, not to parade themselves but doing things that not all famous people, like they are do. CHARITY.

Reaching out to people who are in need. They don't care whether they themselves would pick a stone or a hammer and help build a canal, a house, or feed the sick, or play with poor children, or mingle with people who are way below the poverty line.

She whould travel with her family to some unknown thirld world country and try her very best to bring them relief to the best she can. She would donate or seek funds in order to support a campaign to alleviate human suffering.

And she remains humble about it.

I told a friend, I have yet to see Filipino movie stars who do the same. (Maybe there are already.) Or other big, big stars who in their own way share what they have to the world, besides their talent.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Angel Oracle - The Archangel Raphael


The Angel Oracle had me picked up the Archangel Raphael today, the angel of healing.
And I ponder on the reasons as to why I need to be healed. Healed of what? I am not sick, nor I feel something is wrong. Then it dawned on me that the healing is not of the physical kind but of the spiritual. I need to resurrect my dying spiritual life.
I used to be an active participant of a certain Christian Group back home, until some "politics" made me decide to leave the group and eventually my enthusiasm with having a good relationship with the Creator.
I am part of the Music Ministry and singing and playing the guitar during services made me high with praises and glory to God.
I even had my Bible Study group, leading stray people of my "kind" who are confused whether God loves them the way they are (and of course He does!), how to accept their sexuality and to reconcile their faith and their personality.

I missed that. Lately I've been itching to play the guitar again. I heard this new Christian song from a colleague of mine at work when he sent me a copy. Entitled, "WHO AM I" by Casting Crows and then began the desire to play. I have to start with music for this is where I feel closer to Him.

So right now I want a guitar!!!
I am praying for a guitar, I know God read hearts, and I know He just read mine.
I know He will make a way.

I want to sing to Him again and received His wonderful healing grace. There's more to this I know. God is good.

Just Trying To Be Cute! Ehem, ehem!



I Need To Get Inspired!

I NEED TO GET INSPIRED! Inspired to do certain things.

1. Get on with my novel, yes, ladies and gentlemen, aa novel! Believe it or not! I stopped for a while due to lack of inspiration.
2. Continue my workout!
3. Go to places and start with Egypt. Yes, I want to see the world or at least some part of the world which I dreamt of visiting.
4. To continue to be enthusiastic with my current job. I know things are not going on smoothly. There are problems in my workplace. I feel like I am being left behind when it comes to incentives salary status. But it doesn't really matter really, I just need some moral booster, but from who?
5. Finish reading the books I bought months ago.
6. Eat healthy.
7. Get more sleep.
8. Slow down when it comes to S..! Temptation, be gone, away from me, far, far away!
9. Start painting pictures and abstracts again.
10.To be more kind and get in touch again with my spiritual side.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Sleep


I sleep 6 hours during weekdays and 8 hours on weekends and I wonder is that is healthy.

I don't know, I always fight off dozing even when I feel sleepy. Though I am tired at times, if I am watching a nice movie or trying to come up with a good blog post idea, I fight it off.

Maybe because I get more ideas and my mind is active more during late nights. I do my baking, writing, poetries, reading at night and before I know it, time passed by and it's already 1:30 AM, and I have eto get up at 7:30 in the morning so as not to be late for my 8:30 work.

At work, I feel very sleepy after lunchbreak, but of course I cannot let myself give in to the feeling otherwise I would be sleeping the whole day and night 'cause I've been fired from sleeping on the job!

Maybe this exercise became a habit and my body is already adjusted to fighting off sleep. Unless I am really, really sleepy and I can't hardly open my eyes, that's when I give in.

Or maybe when a person is getting older, sleep hours is getting shorter. I remember my Lola (Grandma) she sleeps early and wakes up very early, yet she is active all
day!

Well, so much for that, sleep, they say we spend a big part of our lives sleeping, maybe that's another reason I try to keep awake, 'cause life is very short to sleep it off when there is so much to do.

You think so? (Unless I'd be lying on the bed beside this hunky guy in the picture, I won't mind sleeping early!)

Saturday, February 7, 2009

I Met A Guy


Last night was one of the great nights I had, I met this guy for the first time, in person that is, for we have been chatting for quite some time. Actually it was a long overdue meeting as we had been planning to see each other for so long, alas, it happened.
I like this guy very much, on line, we have been exchanging messages and talked about anything under the sun; history, general interests, his religion and culture, and mine, life, outlooks, points of views, our jobs, our personal lives and even sexuality. He seemed to be an open person, nonjudgmental, well-rounded and smart. What else would you ask for? Our wavelengths are on the same frequency and we seemed to have a lot in common.
We both like poetries, writing, seeking adventures, live in the now, positive and sense of humor. When I met him, I sigh, he is all the person I imagined him to be, he sent his picture long time ago, but seeing him in person took my breath away. Fair-skinned, about 1.8 meters high, a bit stocky, handsome Arab face but his eyes are to die for.
He is gentlemanly, yet you could feel his wild side. Picked me up with his car on our agreed meeting place and went to a coffee shop somewhere in downtown Riyadh. I showed him this coffee shop that I used to go to because the place is very cozy, warm and people there seemed friendly. We arrived there about 11 in the evening and found nice corner with comfortable love seats , ordered cappuccinos and talk about a lot of things for an hour or so.
As expected we spent an hour talking about a lot of things, mostly about each other, and I was smitten by this guy. I kept having goose bumps and this doesn’t happen to me that often. I really liked him. I forgot that we were in a crowded place, ‘cause all I hear was his voice and all I saw was him in front of me. Everything went blurry and the rest of the sound went silent.
Afterwards, we decided to go home and he drove me up to my place, and I asked him if he had a nice evening, and he said it was a great evening and can’t wait for the next one.
I said my thanks, we shook each other’s hands, I held his with both hands and squeeze a bit, just to savor the moment, said good night and I get off.
When I came inside my apartment, I sat on the couch and recall everything that happened. I kept smiling like a girl of sixteen! I thought, my God, that was better than SEX!!! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I had my orgasmic moment without having SEX! I really felt so good inside. I never realized that a great conversation with a great person is sometimes better than anything else. A wonderful time with a nice and charming person sometimes is enough to lift your spirits up.
I am looking forward for another wonderful time with this guy, hopefully in the immediate future.
I think this is the second time this happened to me towards another person. (The other experience was posted in my Old Blog, with MR. DJ.)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Tarot Reading - General Situation

I logged in to this website that gives free tarot reading, and I asked for a general life reading and I was bit shock of the outcome. "Sapul ako!Kaloka! At least I have some guide as where I am heading! Not that I truly believe this.

How you feel about yourself now (The Magician)

You feel a sense of purpose and the willpower to get things done. Self-empowerment is the key word here. Any new enterprises in love or career show great potential. You feel that you have the ability to think on your feet and, faced with opposition, the appearance of The Magician is an excellent omen of success. Time to believe in your self and go for it!

What you most want at this moment (The Empress)


The cards suggest Charlemagne, that at this time you desire comfort, security and happiness and may well need some emotional support and reassurance. (If you are considering having a baby the desire will be very strong at this time, or perhaps you are already pregnant and you have some concerns. If male, perhaps you are considering fatherhood with someone but have concerns.) Things will turn out fine, just know that you are loved and that there are people around you who care.

Your fears (Wheel Of Fortune)


You are in fear of everything turning for the worse for you, perhaps you are experiencing a run of bad luck. You have to trust that most of what we fear never happens and as The Wheel of Fortune turns downwards against you, the wheel will naturally turn upwards again and bring good fortune to you too. This difficult phase will pass.

What is going for you (The Fool)


This is an exciting time with much potential for fun and good times. Your confidence should be high, it's a great time for new possibilities. If you are considering leaving your job, home or relationship, in time you will. An unexpected desire will be fulfilled, even before you express it!

What is going against you (The World)


As always, fear holds us back and so often leads to missed opportunities. Do not give up or change direction this late in the game just because you have experienced delays - stick with it, have faith and trust the universe, and you will reach the successful conclusion you are wanting.

Outcome (The Devil)


If your previous cards have been positive and your main consideration has been about a relationship then there’s a possibility of commitment, even a proposal of marriage. If this is not the case this a final opportunity for you to change course, because the temptation you are experiencing concerning a relationship, money or materialism or any other kind of addiction won’t lead to a happy ending. If you are feeling low in self-belief and self worth and doubt your abilities, don’t, have more confidence - its not too late to change direction.

Monday, February 2, 2009

SHELTER - A Great Movie To Watch


I always liked gay-themed movies. The ones that does not really focuses on sex and too fabulous lifestyles. Unless it was a comedy like Another Gay Movie, a gay-spoof of The American Pie.
I like to watch how gay relationships blossom and wilted.Feel good movies that touches emotions. I like happy endings and heartbreaks. Men falling, loving and caring for other men. Men like me.
Then I saw the movie SHELTER, staring Trevor Wright (Zack) and Brad Rowe (Shaun). After watching the movie I felt good inside, I longed for someone to love, or better, I longed to fall in love again.
You know that feeling of being in love? I’m sure you do.
A story of a guy name Zack, whose real personality he represses for the sake of his singled-mother sister, nephew and sickly father. Taking the responsibilities of his father when his mother died. The only person her sister holds on to. A simple guy with dreams of going to art school.
He tried to make both ends meet, helping in the family finances at the same time taking care of his nephew and balancing a love life with his girlfriend and his love of surfing.
Until he met his bestfriend’s brother and things turned upside down. At first he tried to control his feelings, but feeling like bursting inside, he let go. He broke up with his girlfriend to pursue a relationship with Shaun. At first, it was like a whirlwind romance until reality hit them. They have to come out. This scared Zack. But eventually after every trial there’s victory.
I won’t tell the rest of the story, you guys have to watch this movie. You’ll never regret it.
Promise.
Another bonus is the AMAZING, yes, amazing soundtrack mostly by a certain artist named SHANE MACK. Songs like Lie To Me, More Than This and I Like That will really get your attention and add the movie, whew, a perfect combination.
I tried hard to look for his songs; I used Limewire, You Tube, search the net, and luckily I got some. They are hard to find songs, now I had them in my collection. I listen to them when I am having my “moments” and relieving the last time I fell in love.

Angel Oracle - The Angel of Glory


The Angel of Glory, another timely card from my Angel Oracle.
Last night me, a housemate and a friend had some few drinks, just to pass some time, and time passes indeed ‘cause before we knew it, it’s 1:00 AM. We call it a night and went sleep. I slept soundly, I slept with someone beside me.
How I missed sleeping with someone breathing beside me. I don’t mind the snoring, because I know someone is lying with me. The air conditioning unit was cold, but I felt warm and safe especially when he held me in his arms.
I woke up in the middle of my sleep with a gripping pain in my chest. It was horrible, it felt like a vice grip is compressing my chest. I thought, am I having a heart attack? It can’t be, wild thoughts run through my head, I held my chest, I held the guy beside me’s hand, closed my eyes again and take deep breaths. Inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly I go about 5 sets I think until the pain subsided.
It was scary, but I was relieved when the pain went away and I try to fall asleep again.
All through this episode, I forgot one thing. I forgot to pray, to call upon Him for some comfort.
This morning, I got this card, and felt guilty. I realized that lately I’ve been taking for granted my nightly Bible reading, my listening to Christian music and my conversations with Him. Now I had a wake-up call, I took this as a reminder that in a place where life is hard and lonely, He is the only source of strength and joy. That I should be giving Him praise and glory for the reason I still wake up every day.
I pray that nightmare won’t happen again. Ever.

Anne Rice's Christ The Lord


In my old blog, I told you guys how much a fan I am of Anne Rice. The celebrated author of The Vampire Chronicles that started with The Interview With A Vampire, that also became a movie; of the lives of Mayfair Witches in Taltos and Feast of All Saints; from the story of resurrection, immortality and love in The Mummy and all those make believe characters that is so believable, you’d wish they were all real.
Her imagery and detailed story-telling, most often incorporating real history in her novels makes her the best! I had countless sleepless nights reading her books that are so hard to put down.
Until for some divine intervention she changed her faith and beliefs, from being an Atheist to going back to Catholicism. You could read in her novels, specially her infamous Lestat character, his never ending search for the truth, God, and the purpose of being, that she really is in search for inner peace and faith.
Her first book after her momentous turn-back-to-religion episode of her life was Christ The Lord, Out of Egypt, I waited for the paper back for months for a while as I cannot afford the hard bound edition. Once I got hold of the book, I couldn’t let it down. I read each page with so much enthusiasm that in two days I’m done.
Her story took me back to the time when Jesus Christ, yes, our Lord and Savior is just a child growing in loving family together with His aunts, uncles and cousins. How as a child, Jesus lives as normal as any child can be. Only his Mother, Mary and foster father Joseph seemed to know how special He is.
Out of Egypt, cause that time His family was living in Egypt due to the census thing and Egypt offers a lot of opportunities for the family in terms of carpentry. Again, their main livelihood, the men that is are carpentry and theirs are famous because of the excellent finishes and one of a kind designs.
I won’t tell the rest of the story so as not to give away the suspense, all in all it’s a good novel. There are some boring chapters but nevertheless these are key elements to the completeness of the story.
It tells how human God became through Jesus, how He viewed the world around Him as a Child already full of wisdom at the same time full of innocence. I guess this is synonymous to Anne Rice’s new journey in rediscovering with child-like curiosity her new found faith in God.
I, too at one point tried to search for the purpose of my existence. I embraced New Age and Christianity just to understand why I am like this, why my life went that way and where my life is heading.
I learned that, one’s belief in the Divine Creator is to each, his own. No one has any right to tell you what you’re doing is right or wrong, or worst, judge you! You alone should know the difference, for you alone will stand in front of God at Judgment Day to take account all the things you did with your life. How you loved and how you cared, how you go on whenever your journey is hard, how you pray for strength and guidance, how you believe.
So much for that, I am looking forward in purchasing the sequel which is Christ The Lord, The Road To Canaan, this time Jesus is now a full grown man.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Angel Oracle - Guardian Angel Of Health



I consulted my Angel Oracle, and the Guardian Angel of Health came up. I asked for some guidance today over anything that might need my attention. So, I am told to check my health, or my well-being. It is timely because, I have been planning to go back to working out. I stopped because I went for a month long vacation, and at the same time it's winter here in Saudi Arabia and I am too lazy to work out, I'd rather eat. I eat with gusto, I don't care lately what I eat, all those fats and calories!
It's nice to eat when it's cold. For me anyway. But I need to get back into shape, my tummy is beginning to bulge and I don't like it! Yeah I catch my breath lately whenever I get up a flight of stairs! That is not a good sign!

So starting...no, I should not promise something, I might not keep. I'll just do it!
Stop overeating, and take good, healthy food...hmmm...I wonder what's for dinner?

Seven Deadly Sins - Anger


What it is: Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.
Why you do it: You're wired for it. Also, the people around you are pretty damn irritating.
Your punishment in Hell will be: You'll be dismembered alive.
Associated symbols & suchlike: Anger is linked with the bear and the color red

Have you ever been so angry that you feel like exploding? Or the first thing your hand grabs will surely fly? Or have you ever been so mad about something that if you sleep on it, the next day you felt as miserable as hell and the anger doubled?
Have you? Am glad I have not. I rarely get angry, I get frustrated, I get downhearted, I get jealous, but I seldom feel angry.
Maybe because I let things be, I would try to change things, but if the object of my effort does not cooperate, or give in, I let it go.
When someone hurt me, I just suck it in, cry a little, mope a bit and then I immediately move on and forget it. When I feel like I am being left out, I move away. When I think I am treated unfairly, I just say, my time will come.
But on times, though rare that it might be, like my Chinese Zodiac Sign, the Ox, when I get angry, I charge! I don’t look back nor even think! I charge, to hurt! I charge to destroy! I charge to get even!
And I regret it afterwards.
May God continue to give me strength to control those rare times that I get angry.
I don’t want to be dismembered.

Some Thoughts

If the person doesn’t love you, do not complain, because there are also people who loves you that you don’t, so call it quits.
If you love two persons, pick the second person, because you won’t love another when you really love the first.
It doesn’t mean that if you chat constantly, talk over the phone, go out together or exchange endless SMS messages that you are liked or you’ll end up together. It seems that there are people who are really overfriendly, sweet, flirt or likes to give false hopes.
Sometimes even if you are on schedule, you still have to wait, because you are not the priority.
Do you know how far the distance is between two people who turned their backs from each other? You need to go around the world just to come face to face with the other person you turned your back from again.
It is better to fail in doing something, than to succeed in doing nothing.
Not all that you can understand is the truth, and not all that you cannot fathom is a lie.
Let go of the things that hurt you even though they make you happy. Don’t wait for the day that only pain will remain and happiness has left you.
Love is like a man hole…it is scary to fall in…and when you do, it’s either by accident or you’re just plain stupid.
If you wait for someone to flirt with you, nothing will happen. You also have to flirt.
Don’t let go of the thing that you cannot bear see others holding them.
Don’t hold on to something you know you’ll let go.
Don’t you ever hold on to another when you know you are already holding on to something.
Leave if you’re not happy anymore. There is no cure for being a fool but by taking the initiative.