This blog contains opinions, experiences, thoughts and observations of the author from his day to day living.
It is subject to comments, criticisms and corrections, and all will be dealt with constructively and do leave your comments I would love to hear from you.
There is no intention to offend, discriminate nor degrade anybody or anything for that matter, only shared feelings, emotions and angsts at the moment.
Welcome to my world.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Pay It Forward

I haven't seen the movie Pay It Forward, but some friends has shared with me what it's all about, doing a good deed.

In my old blogsite, a blog friend, The Vegan Prince, initiated the A Good Deed A Day action together with his mom. I also agreed to do the same but like all normal human beings swimming in the ocean of confusion, problems, distractions and what have you's, I forgot that agreement. Although in one way or another I know I do a good deed to someone or somebody, though I may not be aware of it.

Today, I will resume this agreement, doing a good deed without expecting anything in return. It is like initiating a system of goodwill, because doing good is contagious. I will do a good deed to anyone I encounter in my everyday life, in small and big ways, if I can, in anyway, in any situation, at a given moment. The only reward that I would like to get is a smile and the hope that the person will do the same to the next person he meets.

Question: Does the good deed still count if you go by “It’s the thought that counts” or the “E for Effort”?? The answer is NO, it has to come from the heart, a voluntary act of kindness that will leave you feeling light and happy.

Here’s a chance to reach out and touch someone's life.

Anyone with me?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


I find today the many facets of being happy, it is not having all the material things in the world, it is not how well you are travelled, how good looking you are and you have lots of friends; it is not how much you have or how popular you become, no none of these I tell you.

Happiness is making someone happy. Seeing or hearing them happy is contagious, you feel the same way too. It is ironic to be sad when someone is happy, weird even!

Happiness also comes from the simplest things, like the fresh morning air, bathed in warm sunlight, the singing of the birds or the sound of a stream.

Happiness is being healthy and alive.

Happiness is having great friends, laughing together, crying together, who were always there whether you need them or not.

Happiness is knowing that you are loved and cared. When you know you are mentioned in their prayers, or when you are remembered.

Happiness is a gift, we all received, but too few have noticed. It was delivered to us from the moment we knew how to choose to live our lives, and most often we chose to look the other way.

Happiness is free, anyone can take it, but be careful cause someone might steal it, and yet, true happiness is indelible.

Happiness, I am happy today, a little extra happy.
I can sleep better tonight.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Broken Hearts Club

Last week a dear friend confide in me how he got broken hearted when his special someone found somebody new. He shared to me what had happened and my heart goes out to him. I know the feeling for I too had loved and lost a few months ago.

It is sad really, we are not meant to be alone, and having someone makes everything worthwhile, despite some disagreements every now and then, but the making up is something we can't forget.

Last night two dear friends, again, had the same episodes, one called the relationship off as his partner lied and the other had an argument over money.

What is happening? I asked myself, is this a trend, a phase, the "in" thing? I don't think so. It's just a matter of trust and honesty really. I believe all relationship should be built on that and once broken, then it is bound end.

It is hard enough to make it work, and to put a crack in it is to double the effort.
I just hope my three friends would be fine, well, I know one will definitely be, the other two, time can be their friend that can help them heal and move on.

Well, welcome to the "broken hearts club", guys, just don't leave your heart behind and everything will be fine.

Burnt Money - A Great Movie

I was downloading gay-themed movies from Torrent, taking advantage of the fast internet service I have; randomly choosing titles, reading the synopses and when I find it interesting I download the movie.
I saw a title called BURNT MONEY (Plata Quemada), in Spanish with English subtitles. After the completion I opened and scanned it for its content and story, and I got hooked. I forgot that I loaded the washing machine with my laundry, forgot the I prepared my smoothie for the evening, forgot that my housemate and his boyfriend is having a quarrel at the other room, forgot that I only have 4 hours of sleep last night and forgot the time and it was already 1 AM.

Because the movie was unbelievable, I was hooked with story of two misfits called Angel and Nene who met in a station's restroom, invited the other to stay with him and they were never separated, they were called "The Twins" eversince. Met a crimelord, became henchmen of crime and robberies, and end up, well I will not reveal much as not to spoil it.
But why I loved the movie was the portrayal of two gay men, in a real world of crime and passion. It made me wish for such a life of adventure, despite the fact they play cops and robbers with the whole city police. The bond they share was unbreakable, sweet, poignant, haunting, sometimes crazy, and yet subtle and poetic.
I am running out of words to describe the movie, and I cannot forget it. You can feel their feelings, towards each other, how they care for one another and the risks they would take to be together.

Angel and Nene is a memorable screen-couple, a paranoid and a superstition afficionado, Angel sees misfortunes everywhere he looked and seek comfort in the arms of Nene every night, until finally he turned to self abstinence the drove Nene away from him met a prostitute and when caught by Angel, Nene's words were "She was just a place to hide." and he gets to choose the person he would be with. Nene on the other hand is so attached to Angel that he cannot bear the thought of living without him.
Love really is mysterious, in its many ways of expressing it, between a man and a woman, two women, and especially two men. Love can go as deep, it's the same.
I only hope when I finally meet the right person, we could be the same, the love and bond we would be having would go as deep, and will stand all adversity for love is above all the greatest there is.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Books To Read

I bought these books for quite sometime but I haven't flipped over them yet. These Paulo Coelho books I'm sure will inspire me again like the other ones I already read.
I guess I have to start reading again so I have something to share with you guys. Anyway, aside from these I have started on my writing but I seemed to get blocked with the story line. Whenever I write, my line of thought always goes to the ending, and I keep seeing scenes in my mind, like a movie, and I get distracted.

It's like I find it more satisfying to see it as a movie than writing it as a book or short story. Haay! But am going to continue, who knows, I might get to finish it eventually.

But for now, I'll go back to the books, aside from Paulo Coehlo collection I still have others novels and what have you's that I need to finish.
I'll find the time, promise.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Dream of Me

The night goes on and you lay beside me
Sleep has not come to me
So I watched you, dreaming the night away

I believed in Angels, cause I am with one
I touched, softly, your peaceful face
My fingers slowly carressing, feeling

You smiled in your slumber, dreaming
Perhaps of me? Or some another dream.
I smiled too, cause you are with me.

You lay in my arm, and moved closer
Your breathing is warm, slow, in rhythm.
I am in awe, I sigh, I am blessed.

If only we could stay this way forever.
But then again, I am content.
You sleep, my Angel, and dream of me.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Reality Check - Happiness

Finally we had an internet connection at home and most probably I'll be updating this blog on a regular basis, bear with me please as lately I haven't been really myself.

There are so many things actually, my head is like a stew of thoughts, issues, and sometimes, I think I am going crazy.

You might not notice it, not that I put up a face in front of people, but I just don't want to get them affected or me carry it around.

But when I am alone in my room, things are pretty different. I don't know really what it is, but just to name it, I call it melancholy.

So what's the story? What's in my mind, let me then invite you for a ride inside the deepest caverns of my mind, heart and emotions. Warning, though, the road ther emight be bumpy, with not so much to see, but like what I said before, bear with me.

I am thinking what I have accomplished so far in my life? What I have achieved? What I have earned and gained? I like to do many things but where to start? Do I have the drive to make it or even start it? Where am I heading for? Am I stuck with this life?

I worry about things I do have control really. I just chose not to act on them.
I am scared of starting but not finishing. I am lonely cause I am loveless. I am lonely cause I am so far away from my family. I am scared I will not make it nor my dreams won't come true. I am, just I am, nothing.

I took a long shower today, a hot shower, for I hate cold water. I don't even drink much of cold water, I love it tap warm or hot enough to bath or drink. Well, during lathering, I noticed I am kind of in a hurry, then thought in 5 minutes I'll be done. So I changed my pace, I slowed down. I gently let the soap slide on my skin, feeling the sensation the goes with it. It felt good. I am happy.

What was that I read from my Facebook's "GOd Wants YOu To Know" subscription a few days ago? "Happiness has nothing to do with pleasure.Pleasure is always relative. Happiness is absolute. Happiness is the understanding and acceptance of life as it is in this very moment as completely perfect, because every creation of God is perfect. The degree to which you do not accept life in all of the Divine forms is the degree to which you suffer."

So that moment in the shower is perfect, I was meant to be there, to exprience it and enjoyed it. Yes it is pleasure that I felt, and it has nothing to do with happinees, correct, it is the moment, I was given the privilege to enjoy that shower.

And getting back, to think I am thinking the other way around, I thought If I satisfy myself with the things I like, I'd be happy. I thought buying myself a new outfit or a new gadget would make me happy, now realizing, it only made me crave for more, and there is always more, a new collection, a new device, a new style, the never really ends.
I would wear it and play with it, and just after an hour or so I get tire of it and on to the next.

I sat under the shower and closed my eyes, pretending I am home, in our street in Tondo where I grew up, standing in the rain, as I love bathing in the rain when I was young, and I came to realize that moment was happiness. I feel free, I feel I am young, carefree, the hot shower suddenly felt cold, I couldn't feel the heat anymore, I feel the cold rain.

Back to reality, sometimes the problem with already knowing something is the ability of our mind to cloud them with unnecessary images and visions that absolutely has one purpose only and that is to scare us or make us lose interest to what we really would like to do in our lives. So, getting back, in my heart I already know that, I am already happy if I only acknowledge it.

Whenever I am with my family and friends I am happy, after hanging out with them, spending hours and hours of laughters and talking, I go home with a smile on my face, I would wake up feeling good, the day seemed to be perfect in all ways, like nothing could go wrong.

After eating a very nice meal, I am happy, the aftertaste of good cooking the was left in my mouth makes me feel good.

Listening to music and or watching a nice movie, makes me happy.
Reading books makes me happy.
Drawing makes me happy.
Looking out my room window at the people going to and fro makes me happy.
Looking at the pigeons perching on my window sill makes me happy.
Travelling makes me happy.
Praying makes me happy.

If you notice there's not a single material thing in the list.
Only feelings and actions.

And that's my reality check, I don't need much to be happy. Pleasure is indeed relative. Take it away, and you're still you. Happiness is absolute, it is were you are right now, amidst all the things happening around you. You are meant to be exactly where you are right now, and do not doubt it. God plan is perfect, has no flaws, well thought and easy.

We just make it complicated from the choices that we make.

So getting off the shower, and going into my room, the soundtrack of The Mummy is playing, I continue to think (as I type this) that never mind that I don't have much, that the things I am thinking and bothering me are just mere, well, thinking, it may or may not happen, and the scary part were just there to, scare.

I told a friend, I am lonely too cause I am single, but he told me it's not that bad to be single, and he is right, it is not that bad after all and there is nothing to be really scared of. I also chose to wait on it and act only when it comes.

Love, I am loved. I know am loved. Cared for, yes I am also cared for.

Reality Check, I just need a carrot-apple-banana-cucumber smoothie, and I'll be fine.
Just fine.