Warning:

This blog contains opinions, experiences, thoughts and observations of the author from his day to day living.
It is subject to comments, criticisms and corrections, and all will be dealt with constructively and do leave your comments I would love to hear from you.
There is no intention to offend, discriminate nor degrade anybody or anything for that matter, only shared feelings, emotions and angsts at the moment.
Welcome to my world.







Friday, May 29, 2009

Why Is It and If This Isn't Love?


Why is it that when you're in love every song you listen to seemed to mean everything you feel?

The first time I heard Jennifer Hudson's If This Isn't Love, I was strucked like lighting and totally fell in love with the song.The song just described what I am feeling and I can't help but just wallow in this overwhelming experience I am having.

We all know that there is no greater thing in this world than love. To fall in love, to be in love, to be hurt by love and healed by love again.

Even Nat King Cole sang "The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love and be love in return."

You might say, okay, alright, we all know about it, and just to remind you, don't pour out your heart too much or you might find yourself having one big heart break!

And I would say, of course I know and I understand what you are saying and thank you very much! But let me just have this moment of bliss and just let me be happy even for a while.

If ever this is just a passing thing, who cares? I would still be thankful and happy and won't be regretting any of this. If this isn't love, then tell me what it is?

So, sing away Ms. Hudson and let us once again feel how lucky those people to feel this way!

God sent me an angel from above
That's gonna love me for life
Might as well be perfect only because
It's the only way I can describe, so
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I could be dreaming or just plain crazy
If this isn't love, tell me what it is
'Cause I never felt like this baby
If this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love
L O V E, what is in me?
L O V E, oh, if this isn't love

- If This Isn't Love by Jennifer Hudson

Sunday, May 24, 2009

In My Absence


"Ayan, ayan! May career kasi kaya absent sa Blog!"

It's been quite awhile, my friends since I last made an entry.
It's not intentional, it's just that I have been busy. Very busy indeed juggling between my work and my ..ehem...a blooming lovelife.

Yes, you read it right, a lovelife.

I met a man, in the least unexpected way. It's like it was meant to happen.

He is Syrian, and like all Middle Eastern men, he is as gorgeous as they come.
A little smaller than me, his voice has this sweet sound in it, angelic smile, cool personality.

I passed by him sitting on the stairs in the place I work as he is trying to have his papers approved for vacation.

The moment I saw him, I cannot forget him, so I tried to find reasons to come up and down the stairs and everytime I passed by him he sort of smile at me. He was with his friend who has the same problem as him.

To open an conversation, I made a compliment at the sandals he was wearing for in fairness it was nice, and his feet, oh, one of my weaknesses were clean, white feet!

He said thanks and I went up to my office, and when I can't resist again to catch a glimpse of him, he was gone, so my poor heart panicked and tried to look for him and found him outside the building smoking with his friend. He saw me, cause I saw him smile. I told myself, this was it, and I have to know his name. His friend separated a bit from him and I took the chance to say hi and asked him if his papers were done, he said no but it will be soon, so I reached for my wallet and took a business card and hand it to him. I told him to call me for whatever reason that might be. He said thanks and off they go. I forgot to ask for his name.

It took two days before he called, like all no-name calls I was hesitant to answer my mobile first, but after the fifth ring, I did and your guess is as good as mine. This time I asked for his name and saved it in my mobile.

We went for a date, yeah, date! Eat out and talked, talked and talked and found out interesting things about him, slowly I am becoming at ease with him and soon, I already liked him. He said the same thing, that when he saw me he kept hoping for me to come up and down the stairs too! He was just too modest to open up a conversation and a little shy because he was with his friend.

That date was followed up by calls and another date, and his birthday came up, and I invited him home prepared macaroni-spaghetti, baked a cake, made ceasar salad and bought him a gift. He was so happy he told me and spend the whole day and night together, it was a weekend, thank God! We sweet-danced to Mariah's My All (which is his favorite)as he pressed his head against my pounding chest. It was one of the best moments of my life.

I also found out he was gay, and that completed everything.

He said he liked me and told me he love me. I told him to tell me he love me again when he is sure of himself.

My head is reeling and I like this feeling, it's been a long long time since I last felt this way and praying that someone would come and make a great change in my life again.

Where it will lead the two of us, well, God only knows. Right now, he left for Syria to visit his parents and siblings for 10 days. He promised he'll be back, I told him I will keep that promise and believe. We'll see.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Finally It Has Happen To Me!


Finally - Ce Ce Peniston

Meeting Mister Ri-ight, the man of my dreams
The one who showed me true lo-o-ove or at least it seems
With brown coco ski-in and curly black hair-air-air
It's just the way he looks at me, that gentle lovin' stare
Finally-y you come alo-o-ong
The way I feel about ya it just can't be wro-ong
If you only knew-ew the way I feel about you-ou
I just can't describe i-it, oh-no-no

Finally it has happened to me, Right in front of my face
My feelin's can't descri-ibe it, Finally it has happened to me
Right in front of my face, And I just cannot hi-ide it
Finally it has happened to me, Right in front of my face
My feelin's can't descri-ibe it, Finally it has happened to me
Right in front of my face, And I just cannot hi-ide it

It seems so many times he seemed to be the one
But all he ever wanted was to have a little fun
But now you come alo-ong and brightened up my wor-or-orld
In my heart I feel it I'm that special kind of girl
Finally-y you come alo-o-ong
The way I feel about ya it just can't be wro-ong
If you only knew-ew the way I feel about you-ou
I just can't describe i-it oh-no-no

Finally it has happened to me, Right in front of my face
My feelin's can't descri-ibe it, Finally it has happened to me
Right in front of my face, And I just cannot hi-ide it
Finally it has happened to me, Right in front of my face
My feelin's can't descri-ibe it, Finally it has happened to me
Right in front of my face, And I just cannot hi-ide it

Finally-y-y
Oh... finally-y-y-y yeah-eah, yeah-eah
Uh-uh-oh-oh, ... yeah-yeah-ow ..., ... yeah-yeah-ow ....

Finally it has happened to me, Right in front of my face
My feelin's can't descri-ibe it, Finally it has happened to me


Need I say more?

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day


There is much to say about mothers, that mere words cannot express our gratitude to this special person in our lives.

There is nothing in this world whom can ever replace such love and care which they unselfishly give to us.

And no thank you is ever enough to show how much we appreciate them.

But nevertheless, to all mothers in the world, whom we owe so much our lives and the person that we are (regardless of what kind of person we are!)

We love you and thank you.

And to my Mama, I love you so much.

Happy Mother's Day!

How Do We Define A Friend?

I am a bit upset today, not to mention sad.

Because of some people.

Which I thought friends.

So how do we define a friend? When you do call someone a friend?


1. Is a person your friend whenever you're in need, the person is there?
2. Does one a good friend when the person looks after you?
3. Is a person a friend when the person takes advantage of you?
4. How about those who only appear when they want to?
5. When they just need you?
6. What if you are a friend to the person because you have something useful and you are useful?
7. You always give the person a free-ride?
8. What if the person talks so much about you, behind you or hurt you?
9. Those who stick with you through thick and thin, defend you and loves you?
10.Or those who take advantage of you?

I, myself might be guilty of some of these, and I am sorry and will try to be better.
To those who are mostly belongs to this list, I am sorry also, the other way around that is for the value of friendship is way beyond all the materials things.


I have very, very few people I can call my friends, very few indeed and eventhough I only have a handful of them, I do keep them and treasure them.

I may not see most of my friends often, but I know they're there and I miss them so much. I am also glad that once in a while comes new friends and finding out they're for keeps.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The Prodigal Son


Almost everyone knows the story, and everyone can relate to it.
The story of the prodigal son applies to all and no one is exempted.

I am a prodigal son, I wandered the world and indulge to all pleasures it can offer, before that, I am an active Christian worker, leading Bible studies, leading the Church through Music Ministry and attended Sunday Service religiously.

Until one day, I turned away and never looked back.

Now, I am slowly coming back, maybe it is the spiritual hunger that I have been enduring all these years, maybe at this point the life that I thought would make me happy has become meaningless and lonely.

I remember, I was my happiest during Sunday service and singing my heart out to God.
Now, everything seemed to be superficial, shallow and empty.

It is so hypocritical for me to say that I don't backslide every now and then since I started to revive my spiritual life. In fact, it is an ongoing battle between good and evil daily, and I am always at the brink of giving up.

Sometimes in between prayers the temptation is strongest.

And everytime I pray the Rosary, or praying in general, I still feel UNEASY, it's as if there is an ongoing battle from what I am doing and it is always an effort. I feel uncomfortable, Iam catching my breath,I get tongue-tied and I forget the words.

My mannerism (eye-movement and body twitching) is on the rise, I see moving shadows in my bedroom when I turned off the light to sleep. A fly would buzz around me, irritably sometimes during Rosary time, the airconditioning unit would conk-out, releases hot air at very cool temperature for a minute, then resume its normal run again repeatedly!

You might say, and I thought also that my mind is playing tricks on me, or maybe the guilt I am feeling is just getting hold of me, but nevertheless, I know that these are all ways of the primeval enemy of God to keep hold of me, to confuse me and to make known to me that it is still fun to love the world and all it's splendor!

The more I control my urges, the MORE I am tempted to give in, unfortunately sometimes I do, and a quick pleasure is immediately replaced by heavy guilt and shame.

Still, after all these, like the Prodigal Son, I will try harder to return to the Father, for I know He is waiting for me to come home with open arms and forgiveness, that no matter what I made of myself, He won't care as long as I am willing to have a change of heart.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Ode to Og



A very good boss and friend Mr. Benjie introduced me to someone who profoundly influence me on how to deal with life and its let downs.
He among other things was one of the great motivators of the modern era. His books had become so popular that it was translated into many languages and printed in millions of copies just to reach even the remotest of areas around the globe.
His advice on life is so simple that who would have thought that in order to make life worth living and along the way make all our dreams into reality is simply by saying: “Today I will begin a new life,” and sticking with it!
Wait, a new life of good habits and being a slave to it! Yes, a slave! For we are also a slave of our old add sometimes bad habits, one of which is procrastinating over things, and mind you a lot of things!
I almost forgot, before I continue, I am referring to none other than Mr. Og Mandino and his self-help, inspirational and life-changing books!
Books like The Greatest Salesman in the World, A Better Way to Live, The Greatest Secret in The World, and the Twelfth Angel.
Getting back, our old and sometimes bad habits make the most of our miserable lives, and as Mr. Og says often in his books, it is never too late to start over again for he himself started his journey to greatness when he was 35 years old, on the brink of suicide after losing his job, left alone by his wife and kid, drunkard and with nothing but himself.
I just turned 36 and just like him, I am taking a journey from which I hope one day looking back, will also be a treasure of life’s lessons and inspiration for others. Each and everyone owes to himself to be great, as God created us in His own image, with the full capacity to think, to decide and make the most of all the blessings and gifts that comes with the package!
Mr. Og had shared many, many ways to change our lives and make it a better one. He wrote in The Greatest Salesman in the World, a make believe 10 Scrolls in which contain ten “mantras” so to speak, that one would have to remember, recite, feel and live by heart! One of which I am particularly fond of is from Scroll II that says, “I will greet this day with love in my heart,” and according to Mr. Og, this is the GREATEST SECRET to SUCCESS. God also says in 1 Corinthians 13 which also says “And now these three remain; faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
Easy to say, but to live it, I don’t think you’d be smiling anymore. Will you love all manners of people that you meet? How about people who cause you pain? Irritates you?
Allow me to quote Mr. Og again what he wrote in The Greatest Salesman in the World,
“I will greet this day with love in my heart.
I will love the ambitious for they can inspire me; I will love the failures for they can teach me; I will love the Kings for they are but human; I will love the meek for they are divine; I will love the rich for they are yet lonely; I will love the poor for they are so many. I will love the young for the faith they hold; I will love the old for the window they share; I will love the beautiful for their eyes of sadness; I will love the ugly for their souls of peace.”
What a mouthful, yet powerful enough for one to think about his ways and start looking into himself and start the change, and yes, Mr. Og wrote that most of all, we have to love ourselves.
Like what I have said, I am taking a journey and I am bringing with me these valuable encouragement and life’s lessons for surely it’s worth to try and the rewards are great.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Inner Peace


We long for something divine to happen in our lives. We seek answers to questions no one seemed to know. There is this void inside of us that we cannot fill no matter how hard we try. Emptiness, loneliness, a sense of limbo and sometimes a feeling of lost.
Inner peace, I cannot say I already felt this, maybe I did but so fleeting I hardly even recognized it.
Was it when I was at a top of a mountain in one of the places here in the Kingdom, where I saw the vast expanse of orange colored desert and felt overwhelmed by the feeling of peace, as if something whispered to me, “Look, how big the world is and you are but a tiny member of such importance that you are a part of it all.”
I thanked God that moment for the sudden calmness that came into me and then it was over.
If that was inner peace, I’d like to get back to that moment on top of that mountain and relive it.
In this busy world of modernity and fast-paced lifestyle, people trying to outlive one another, I don’t think inner peace, let alone peace of mind is given much thought. Most people sleep at night just for the sake of recharging for another day’s work the next time they wake up. Going into their daily routines at work and home ending up tired, miserable, angry and irritable so where’s the moment of peace in that?
Gheez, life’s tough ain’t it?

We can start seeking inner peace by conversing with God through prayers adn meditating on our day to day existence.

Nevertheless, God told us, let Him bear of these burdens, and He will give us rest, and to interpret, give Him all our worries and woes, lift up to Him all that bothers us, our problems, our troubles and worries, and in return, He will give us rest or inner peace, calmness and serenity, like what a baby might feel while sleeping in his mother’s arms.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Gratitude


Gratitude is a positive emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive. (Defined by Wikipedia.)
As Oprah relates in one of her episodes, listing down things we are grateful for everyday brings more positive energy and consequently leads to a better outlook in life.
There are so many things we should be grateful for, most of them too menial to even notice due to the fact that we surround ourselves with too much distraction, burying ourselves with work that never really runs out, too concerned on what we want or what we want to have.
No, I am not saying that these things don’t matter, in all honesty these are ALSO important things we need to attend to, BUT, like what we always say, the best things in life are free.
Isn’t it a fact that good things comes when we are positive in our outlook in life? Even the Universe conspires to bring more to be grateful for and it never stops as long as we consciously look into the never ending supply of good things that come our way.
Haven’t you noticed the warm sun touching your face in the morning? The sound of the birds singing? How about the house you slept in last night? The hearty breakfast you had? The job that sustains you?
Have you seen your niece or nephew smiled at you? Your mother saying how do you do?
Let’s go back to the basics, the fact that you woke up after a good night sleep? Going to the bathroom and facing the mirror, have you been grateful that you’re normal and nothing is wrong with you?
These things, these simple things we already should be grateful.
Some people need more than these to be grateful, like a big house, lots of money and fame. Others, just having to eat normally three times everyday and a cozy little house to live in is enough.
People are strange sometimes in things they are grateful with. We go to extremes when it comes to what will make us happy. I say, I would choose a simple life in a heart beat, I am grateful and lucky already in my own right. I don’t need to brag or to pretend as people can see who you really are from the things you have and the things you do.
I am already grateful in more ways than one and some of which are:
I am healthy and alive.
I am loved by my brothers and sisters.
I am loved by my mother.
I am loved by my nephews and nieces.
I have but a few and great friends who cared for me.
I get by day by day.
I am beautiful.
I am me.