This blog contains opinions, experiences, thoughts and observations of the author from his day to day living.
It is subject to comments, criticisms and corrections, and all will be dealt with constructively and do leave your comments I would love to hear from you.
There is no intention to offend, discriminate nor degrade anybody or anything for that matter, only shared feelings, emotions and angsts at the moment.
Welcome to my world.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Angel Oracle - Angel of Reconciliation

This is a point-blank answer I got when I consulted my Angel Oracle.
Reconciliation, there is a need for me to reconcile with:

1. Innermost feelings, to make me at-peace with myself and people around me.
2. My past, for whatever happens in the past it's done and I cannot do anything about it. I only have to let it go and learn from it.

And that's all I can think of, right now.

A Bit Weary, A Bit Sad

I am a bit weary and a bit sad.
Why? I will be the one to ask why, is it normal to feel this way when good things happen to people around you and you feel left out?
Or should I just change my point of view? I should be happy that good things happen to people around me. Maybe, just maybe, my time has not yet come, or I am not yet ready to receive such blessings.
But still I can’t help to feel a bit weary and sad.
This will pass, I know. It has to pass.
They say patience is a virtue, I know I am patient, in all things. So I have to be really patient. A bamboo seed doesn’t just grow after being planted on the ground, it has to wait for the right moment, may it be a month, or a few months before it starts to sprout leaves and spread its roots. But once it started to grow, it grows a few inches a day and never stops.
This feeling will pass and I just have to be content and be thankful for what I have right now. Right?
Yes! And I hear you guys loud and clear.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Broken Rosary

When I took out my rosary last night from my purse to pray, it was broken. On the second decade between teh eighth and the ninth bead, so I tried to fixed it and i did. During the course of my first set of Holy Mary's, it broke again. I fixed it while saying my prayers and fixed, I continued until I finished.

Today I asked my friend Ivy, whether there is any significance that my rosary is broken.

She told me, not to be morbid, but there was a supersitious belief in the Philippines that someone might die when a rosary got broken.

I got a bit scared.

But like any superstition, you can just shrug it off. But I called my mom back home just to check on her, and she is perfectly fine, just missing her children so much.

Thinking about it, I have my own feeling as to why it broke. You see, since I started, everytime I pray the rosary, my heart beats fast, it's like a feeling of nervousness, I am short-breathed.

It's like my body is fighting it off.

And I know perfectly why, cause I am a sinner, and the Enemy doesn't want me to give up all the "nice things" he gave me.He wants me to stay as I am, and live my old ways.

He wants me to fail.

God knows I am weak, that's why I need Him more than ever.
I need reinforcement. So God sent me an Angel to help me get through it.

He gave me Ivy.

And both of us held on to each other's strength by praying together.

Bead by bead, decade by decade, we pray and dedicate each decade to current issues and prayer requests.

Amazing that, through all these, God answered a wish, not a prayer but a wish. I told her this. When I was young and the eldest of the brood of five. I wished for an Ate and of all places, she was given to me here.

God is good.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Holy Week Reflection in Riyadh

My dear friend Ivy and I during one of our reflections after saying the rosary together shared with me an experience in one of her visit to the confessional in Manila.
She once went into confession and during the course she mentioned to the priest that she is Riyadh based and that she didn’t have much or rather there is no way to for her hear and attend a mass, religious as she is and only whenever she goes out to an open country like Bahrain can she go to church, instead of the priest giving her penance by reciting the Our Father and Hail Mary’s, she was told that being in a conservative Muslim country like Saudi Arabia where public display of religion other than Islam is forbidden and yet still keep her Catholic affinities like praying the rosary everyday is already penance in itself. She was commended and told to keep her faith.
It struck me to realize that, it is true, we can only express our faith in the confines of our homes and sometimes for the brave groups inside “esterahas” or resorts, inside compounds or in the privacy of villas and braving the raids of Mutawas any moment and end up in jail or be deported.
Yet, Filipinos who are either Catholic or Christian by faith thrive in the land where the center of Islam religion is located.
Like a desert plant despite the extreme weather and dry heat, still lives and lingers.
Which brings to another reflection as Holy Week comes. I’d like to share to you about Faith and they say faith can move mountains. It does, when we pray hard enough and put our trust in Him, letting His way lead us. Accepting all the things that happen to us, be it good or bad, and knowing that each pain and suffering have a reason and will make us a better person in the end. Believing that through perseverance and belief in oneself and faith we can achieve anything we put our mind into.

Faith: confidence, trust, reliance, assurance, conviction, belief, commitment, devotion.

Confidence that no matter what happens, God is there to guide us, forgive and give mercy. That we always have family and friends to help us get through the toughest times in our lives.

Trust that we have the power and the ability, a gift from God, to be more than we are, remember we are created in His image, so we can be the best we can be, if we trust ourselves that we can.

Reliance, that we are not alone. There is always help, ready for us and in waiting.
Assurance, that when we have faith, we will receive the eternal glory promised to us by God through Christ Jesus.

Conviction from any trials and temptations that faith can shield us from backsliding.

Belief, faith is simply belief.

Commitment that when you have faith, you have to stand by it and live it.

Devotion, which comes by praying to God every day, seeking his forgiveness and mercy, wisdom and strength and of course love.

This Holy Week here in Riyadh I’d be having a reality check, on what’s going on with my life, why things happen and why I am here. I’d be gauging my faith level and see where I am at this point in my life. If running low, then I need to rekindle it, but then God said Himself in the greatest life guide book authored by Him, the Bible:

Matthew 17:20 says, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Slowly But Steady, Or Firmly, yeah, Whatever!

There may be some subtle changes in my line of thought these days, you may notice that I've been dealing mostly with my innermost feelings and my spiritual well-being.

I am still me, the same person you knew before, it's just that I have been laying low on my escapades (not the I totally gave it up, and that's another struggle to overcome, you know what I mean, guys!)

I decided to reconnect with my Soul and Spirit. Don't ask me why, as I don't know even. It's just a feeling, something inside of me is trying to break free.

Free from what? Maybe from the bondage of lust? The bondage of continually falling deep into the darkest caverns of myself.

I feel like I am a lost boy, a prodigal son, hoping and wanting to come home.
There is something missing in my life, that I am trying hard to fill up.

A lovelife? Maybe, for I've been single for the longest time, yes, maybe Love.
In this country where to each his own really, a simple act of love is like a drop of water in the middle of an arid desert. An act of kindness is like an oasis. Someone who cares and to care for is like a mirage that really isn't there.

But miracle of miracles, I did find love here in Saudi Arabia, not a boyfriend but they are in the form of friends and they know who they are.When I thought I was all alone, they are there for me, like guardian angels. I feel loved and cared for, like family and that's enough.

Thank God.

Until that special person, maybe, comes and lead me to a deeper level of love and understanding.

Peace of mind? That is what I am actually trying to pursue.
I decided to count my blessing no matter how great and small.
I accept all the bad things that happen, for there is always a reason for everything.
I made my before-sleeping-time everynight my prayer moment. I pray the Rosary.
I thank God each morning when I wake up and try my best to do good towards another.
And mostly be content with what I have and what I can afford.

I hope you guys bear with me and join me in my journey. I may stumble every now and then, but I guess that's all part of it. I may share something exciting like when I backslide, but nevertheless, I will try to get up and start again.

God is merciful and forgiving.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Letting Go and Letting God

It is difficult to let go of the things that got hold of you.
Be it an object, a person, a habit, a memory, or a feeling. Even though we know deep in our hearts, once we let these things go, it will be a start of something good for us, something new or better, will set us free.

You may ask me how? I honestly don't know how, but I can share this, I am letting go of a feeling and a person by first forgiving. They say it is as hard to let go as to forgive. God forgives so why can't we? Slowly, this anger in my heart is ebbing away. I pray everynight, I pray the rosary every night and each decade has a special prayer, I often dedicate a decade to this issue and towards the person I am having this issue. Soon it will be over. Letting go and letting God and fate take care of everything between us. I forgive.

Another is letting go this vice of mine,and to do this I go for prayer power! I share this prayer with a special friend as she also has a vice she is seriously wanting to let go. So we pray together.

We had this sharing of thoughts after praying together, and we talked about letting go. I told her, MAYBE, just maybe the blessings in our lives and the answers to our prayers would pour out from heaven once we LET GO of our vices and all the things that clutter our daily lives? Maybe these hard to let go feelings and vices and things prevents us from receiving fully God's blessings in our lives.
Nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could, we receive when we give and when we give up and sacrifice things, there's always a reward after. Not that we are after the reward really. It's just how things go.
So I am starting to let go. Slowly, painfully, but steadily. Who knows really?

All I know is God knows everything including our deepest secrets and desires, and He is just waiting, waiting and waiting, for us to give in, to let go and take hold of His hand.

Seven Deadly Sins - Vanity

I am so guilty of this sin, and I guess at some point, we are all guilty of this sin. How can we not when most people are visual. They would look at you from head to foot, and assess you not for who you are but on how you look like. In regards to this, people tend to put their best foot forward by really trying to make themselves presentable before going out of their homes.
From the best clothes, beauty products, beauty salons, to cosmetic surgeries like liposuctions, tummy tucks, nose lifts, bust lifts, skin smoothening, name it and they can fix it.
Then there’s the SPAs popping up like mushrooms at every corner and offering all kinds of massages and indulgences one can get.
But my self-indulgence is limited to clothes and body cleansing. I love buying clothes, I feel great when I wear nice clothes and people tell me how great I look wearing them, boosts one’s self confidence, I can say. I don’t care about the brand, it can be bought on a signature store or just around the corner, at a market or a small clothes shop, as long as I feel great, it doesn’t matter. My passion is UNDERWEAR, though. I feel my sexiest when I am wearing great underwears. Square type, briefs, except thongs, of all colors and designs. I go crazy whenever I am in an underwear store.
I love a few perfumes too, I go for Jean Gautier, Issey Miyake, D&G , CK and Kenzo. Lately I’ve discovered ZARA Men, a classic.
But how do you really describe vanity? When it is a sin? When doing it too much? How about movie stars? Are they as guilty? How about public speakers?
In the movie”Devils Advocate” Al Pacino who played the Devil, after a court scene with Keanu Reeves, said, “Vanity, definitely my favorite sin!” as he tried to give Keanu, a small time lawyer, the time of his life by making him great, famous and rich, but with a cost of course, his wife became crazy and he almost became a father to the new Anti Christ!
As people also easily lead by compliments, a good or bad compliment when taken seriously can lead to vanity and made a person too conscious about the way people look at them.
I also read somewhere that the Devil’s sin as to why he was casted out of heaven was vanity. He was created one of the beautiful amongst the angels and his name alone Lucifer means the Shining One, or the Light. This then led to vanity, to jealousy and hate.
Not so nice story isn’t it, and vanity a not so nice trait too.
Like the saying goes, true beauty comes from within and it radiates outside our physical being. People can like you whether you’re Quasimodo or Frankenstein because of your good heart, and people can hate you even though you’re as beautiful as Nicole Kidman or handsome as Brad Pitt.
That is why, I became a fan of Ruffa Gutierrez when she answered her famous Miss World question that led her to win as 2nd Runner Up, Vanessa Williams asked her what can she say to a woman with a low self esteem, in which she replied smartly and quoted from the book The Little Prince, “What is essential is invisible to the naked eye.”
We are beautiful the way we are, minus the makeup, the clothes, the perfumes, the Spas and the compliments. We are created in God’s image if I remember my Bible right.
So vanity, easy to commit, but definitely needs forgiveness as the Lord also, when He mingled among us, became a lowly carpenter, wore not so clean clothes, hands calloused, and lead a very simple life to set an example that vanity is not a ticket in order to enter the kingdom of heaven.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Wala Lang, Nagpapa-Cute Lang, Nagbabaka Sakali

Just Some Thoughts.

A typical Piscean, my mind and personality sometimes go to extreme.
One day I am an angel, the next minute the devil.
A joker, then a loner.
A tamed cat to a roaring lion.

I just hope you guys bear with me and my temperaments.

My blog.

Just some thoughts really.

A religious guy but a new age fanatic.

Crazy sometimes.

A good friend, someone to watch as an enemy. Really.

Silent and yet loud.

Naughty and nice.

I just want to be me.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

I Met Her Again, Mary

When I was younger, back in Tondo, our small village were active in religious activites for we have a small parochial church. There will be a celebration or a feastday of every saint I know, St. Martin, San Isidro, and the like. But one thing that I remember most is the house to house visit of the image of the Virgin Mary, where the ladies of the household and the children would pray together the rosary, and afterwards there would be small snack prepared by the host that were shared together.

I learned to pray the rosary then, and my interest in Mary grew as I studied in a Catholic School where the sisters and the priests teach us more about Her. I became a Marian Devotee, I try to remember all the different personalities of Mary as dressed by her devotees, The Mystical Rose, The Queen of Heaven and Earth and so on and so forth, I even composed a song when I was in Grade Six for Her during one October and the school had a program for her, I still remember the song entitled "Heavenly Mary" to the tune of Menudo's "Heavenly Angel" but as I grow old, and I learned a lot of religions, became a Born Again Christian, joined a Christian group, got lost and found, got lost, lost lost and lost again.

Then I met Her again in Saudi Arabia, after an "episode" a dear friend of mine who's a devotee to the Holy Rosary whose prayers were unceasing, inspired me to get to know Her again.

I requested whether she had a spare and maybe Mother Mary must be listening, my friend had and she gave it to me including a prayer book on how to pray it. I tried to remember the Apostle's Creed, which I already forgot and the Hail Holy Queen, but I am sure I will come around.

I pray the Rosary everynight before sleeping, and my dear, dear friend Ivy and I already prayed it together twice dedicating each decade to a certain aspect of our lives.

It was heavenly, the feeling is light after we finished and we try to talk about or ponder on the dedicated prayers we did as to why we decided to pray for such.

I started this, I just hope and pray I'll continue praying it.
I met Her again, I hope She takes me back in Her loving arms, like a mother would.
Like my mother could.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Another Sandstorm

We have a sandstorm today, the local Saudis said this is the worst they saw here in Riyadh! I have to admit, I cannot breath properly and getting paranoid that these minuscule sands were settling in my sinus and lungs!

Arrgh! Goodluck to the apartment and the bedroom tonight!

Actually, it is kind of scary...I only see this in movies, but there is a different and surreal feeling when you are actually experiencing it.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Another Year, Thank God

What's supposed to be a quiet birthday last 7th became a party of sorts.
Since that "episode" a week ago, I planned to lay low for while.

But like my friend Ivy said "The seeds you plant, you'll reap eventually," and people on their own made the day a memorable one, simple, but meaningful.

I thanked God that my "new found freedom" ehich is the Best Gift He gave me this year, well, aside from good health, prosperity and peace of mind.

I prepared a thanksgiving lunch for my close friends Ivy, Benjie, Zhari and Arnie the day before my birthday.
I made Lumpiang Sariwa and Pancit and we had a hearty meal, too bad we hadn't had the chance to fry the Tilapias because we were so hungry by then. Ha!

The next day, my favorite couple in the world, Ivy and Benjie treat me to dinner with Benjie's Sinigang na Ulo ng Lapu Lapu which is to die for! I gorge to my heart's content! Whew!

Yesterday, the company treat me with a Cake, and I can feel the warmth of their greetings and laughters.

Truly something to remember by.

And before I went to sleep last night, I prayed and thank God for everything I went through last year and to give me another chance this year. I prayed for forgiveness and blessings, I lifted to God everything, as in everything.

I prayed for those who judged me and looked at me indifferently. I prayed for those who are kind to me.

I miss my family though. (They had a party back home for me, my mother prepared food and invited relatives and family friends.)

God is good. I am blessed.

The Best Roast Beef

I don't really recall when was this taken, I think two weeks ago, I just had an episode that's why I didn't blog it then, and now I present to you all the BEST Roast Beef I ever tasted! Naman!

Prepared by a loving friend Ivy, cooked to perfection! Ha! Ha!

Sana maulit muli, as the song goes...

For the recipe...well...it's a family secret...kain na lang tayo! Mmm, mmm, mmmmm!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

To Lose A Friend

What is a friend?
I am sure that there are a hundred ways to describe a friend.
What is an enemy?
There are also a hundred ways to describe an enemy.

But a friend that is an enemy?
Not possible.

I had a friend, or so I thought.
No, so I hope.

I am letting go of a friend. I may be an enemy to him, but he is a friend to me.

But how do you really define a friend?
No one knows really. Only heart knows.
When everyone has a heart, but only few knows how to call someone a friend.