This blog contains opinions, experiences, thoughts and observations of the author from his day to day living.
It is subject to comments, criticisms and corrections, and all will be dealt with constructively and do leave your comments I would love to hear from you.
There is no intention to offend, discriminate nor degrade anybody or anything for that matter, only shared feelings, emotions and angsts at the moment.
Welcome to my world.

Friday, January 29, 2010

I Only Pray He'd Miss Me Too

Losing a friend is not easy, especially when the reason is too shallow to even be a reason. It pains me knowing that after everything we've shared together, suddenly it ends.
I am sad, it had to end that way. I wished it was something deep for the pain would not be that much.
But it's not. I have to take pride in and let fate decide.
I asked another friend why we ended up this way, and he told me that because we don't expect them to behave that way with us, knowing that we're close, cared and love each other.I guess. I can only guess.
But the harm is done. I just have to move on, and learn from it.

And yet, still it bothers me. I will not get over this. Until when I don't know.
There's a reason for everything and whatever the reason this had happened to us, God only knows and only time will tell.

I will surely miss my friend. I only pray he'd miss me too.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Make A Heaven Of Hell

The hot water rushes and flows down his nakedness as I stare a couple of feet away. I had to be there, with him, to watch him, to remember every detail of him; his hair, his face,the way his mustache and beard were wonderfully trimmed; how the water run down his breast, torso, down to his slender legs.

The color of his skin, creamy, smooth and radiant. Innocent yet sensual, so carefree it seemed. My mind is getting overloaded with imagery, with pictures of him. I'd like a part of my mind to be filled with him. A special place that maybe one day I could reminisce.

A soothing sound from somewhere got me back from mind-wondering, it was his voice, calling my name, in a whisper-like manner, he beckons me to come near, hand extended, lips parted in a smile and eyes staring at me, or right through me?

I reached out my hand and touched his, he enclosed his slender fingers around my hand and pull me closer. He put it on his shoulders, guiding it down his slippery body, warm, soft and tender, and my knees began to shake. The bathroom is cold, summer is still a few months away, the air is foggy, as my hand glide down on his navel. I closed my eyes,

"My ear should catch your voice
My eye your eye,
My tongue should catch your tongue
Sweet melody,
My tongue your tongue
Were the world mine."

My pajama is getting wet on my feet. Splashes of water hit me, but I cared less. I am enamored by this god in front of me. He gave me the sponge without a word got what it meant and I pour the creamy liquid soap and lather him. He turned on his back and starting on his nape I lather his back, rhythmic, encircling, tender as I can be. I can't get enough of the feeling and the smell of vanilla and honey is getting me high. Overwhelmingly, bitter-sweet, I know I have you, but I cannot keep you. This moment however, is mine, forever mine.

I had to stop my head is telling me, but my heart is not listening.

He pulled me up and again, his smile warm as the morning sun, melt me deep inside. I pulled away, rests my head onto the door, head reeling, heart pounding and knees weak.

"Mine ear is much enamored of thy note.
So is mine eye enthralled to thy shape.
I'll follow thee,
I'll follow thee,
And make a heaven of hell."

(From A Midsummer Nights Dream, W. Shakespeare)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

This Is All I Know

Just when I am starting to forget you
I got a missed call from out of the blue.
And I am now breaking myself in two
If I am going to, or not going to call you.

Why do you torture me this way?
I tried to be the best in anyway.
We're two different races but I know how to sway.
Is this how you people play?

Like always, I gave in and call.
You said hi and I say hello.
"Keif fak?" I said and not much at all.
You then said "Ana kuayes." and I fall. (Once more.)

Your voice, got me, and I swoon.
I feel like flying to the moon.
"I missed you" in your sweetest tone.
"Ana ebka enta," and I am gone. (Again.)

How can I resist you, tell me how?
I don't want it like this, I don't know.
One more time, and then you have to go.
One more mistake, this is all I know.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Enter You

Enter you,
Voila it's showtime.
You brought the house down
With a dance and a dam-diddy!

Enter you,
In less than no time
This ugly drama has become pretty!

Up went the curtain
My lines felt wrong
Intermission seemed so far away.

The plot uncertain
The scenes too long
Life is like an uninspiring play.

But now you're here
We meet stage center
I thought my storyline was through
Then out the blue
Enter you.
- Tori Spelling, Trick

Friday, January 22, 2010

What's In A Name? My Name.

Taking some time off from arranging songs from my Itunes, looking at my name Carlo Magno (Charlemagne, that is.) It occurred to me that I never really get to know anything about it.

I got teased by it by my school mates cause the English name Charlemagne sounded like a female name (called me Charmaine) and some, sorry to say, teachers of mine also, thought I was Charmaine and mispronounced it.

My father, who loves to read told me back then that my name came from the history books, I remember going to my school library and looked it up. My name, Charlemagne is the name of the first King of France during the 800's. End of it.

Until now, curiously I looked it up in the ever-famous Wikipedia, (as the infamous starlet Rosanna Roses says in the suspended local Filipino TV show, "I-Wikipedia nyo yan ha!"), and found a lot of interesting facts about the King.

"Charles I the Great, Called Charlemagne(In German: Karl der GrosseIn Latin: Carolus MagnusIn french e english: Charlemagne, (* April 2 of 742[1] - † January 28 of 814) Was King of the Franks from 768 until his death. He expanded the Frankish kingdom than to transform them into a Empire that incorporated much of Western Europe and Central. Conquered Italy and was crowned Imperator Augustus[2] by the Pope Leo III the December 25 of 800 in Rome." - Wikipedia

The name also enjoyed a wild variety of translations which I find very, very interesting and I wonder maybe I'd choose one as a pen name in my poetries and some of my short stories and the much awaited (ehem) novel.

"Names of Charlemagne
As a result the number of languages spoken within the empire, and its expansion to the European level, the name of Charlemagne has been preserved under abundant forms in many different languages. His own language no longer exists in itself, but evolved into the Frankish language.

"Carlos"His birth name, derived from his grandfather, Charles Martel; This name in turn comes from "Karl" lexeme Germanic meaning "man'Or'freeman"[11] and is related to the 'Churl" english. The names Latinos "Carolus'Or'Karolus"Represent the first existing forms of his name.

In several Slavic dialects, the word 'king' corresponds to a derivation of his name slavicized.

In Danish, Norwegian and Swedish: Karl den Store
In Netherlands: Karel de Grote
In German: Karl der Große
In Luxembourg: Karel de Groussen
In West Frisian: Karel de Grutte
The name was Latinized Germanic[12] and preserved in modern Romance languages:

In Spanish: Charlemagne
In Catalan: Carlemany
In french: Charlemagne and Charles le Grand, Shunt Old French Charles le Magne
In Italian: Carlo Magno and Charlemagne
In Portuguese: Carlos Magno
In Walloon: Tchårlumagne and Grand Tchala li
Modern variants of the Slavic dialects Germanic influence are:

In Croatian: Karlo Veliki
In Czech: Karel Veliky
In Polish: Karol Wielki
In Slovak: Karol Veľký
In Slovenian: Karel Veliki
Variant Breton is Karl-Veur."
- Wikipedia

Famous as he is, the name also suggest leadership and power. Unfortunately I haven't risen to the occasion, I never get to be a leader, well, not in a sense that I get to exercise great leadership skills and decision making capabilities. I am the opposite. Usually I am reserved, on my own, silent, observant and often in a world of my own.

Another fact was he lived at the same time St. Joan of Arc (the famous "lesbian" soldier of God who got burned at the stake for "heresy") and Roland (his "favorite" soldier whom the famous SONG OF ROLAND, an Epic Poem in France, was based and the "rumor" that they were, err, secret "lovers.")

Pierre Richer (Biographer) writes:

. . . enjoyed an exceptional destiny, and the direction of his reign, by his conquests, legislation and legendary stature, deeply marked the history of Western Europe.[6]

And I wonder, will I ever have the same destiny, not of the same kind, but an exceptional one that's filled with success, love and happiness? Maybe, I bear a famous and a powerful name, that's a good start, I can only hope.

Going Crazy Over Itunes

I have a collection of over 6000+ songs in my Itunes/Ipod and I decided to categorize them in a variety of ways, by artist, by genre, by album etc. I realized it will take much more time doing it that way, so I decided the "by artist" category.

Nonetheless, the task is tedious! Its driving me mad! Not only that, in order to make the list more complete and better looking is that I have to search the net for the album covers and attached it per song, per song!

Although some of the albums already have the album cover attached, but the majority hasn't got any specially the Standards and Classic songs from the 60's, 70's and 80's.

Is there a better and easier way to do this? Hayayay!

Anyway, I am sure once I am done with this, (and not knowing when) I will have a more organize music collection.

I love music better than movies, one thing is that it is readily available, just popped in the headset and wherever you are, the music is with you, to accompany you in whatever mood you are feeling.

I am also into movie soundtracks, those instrumental melodies while a certain scene is being shown that adds thrill, feeling and elation while watching it. Who wouldn't have at least an album of Enya? Whenever I need some inner peace and relaxation, I just play her music and I'd feel better.

Most played were my Madonna, Mariah and Beyonce collection, I never forget my Savage Garden, Enrique Iglesias, Ricky Martin and Boyce Avenue too.

Feeling nostalgic, I'd play Barbra, Dionne and Diana Ross. Wanting to catch up with the latest, there's Jordin Sparks, Keane, Coldplay, Rhianna and Chris Brown.

I have my Arabic, Hebrew, French and Spanish songs some from the gay-themed movies I watched and loved that I try hard to find in the net. My whole CD collection back home was lost in a fire but I am glad I have copied most of them the last time I was home for a vacation in my Itunes, and my rare collection of gay-themed musical songs that was a gift from a long pass "special friend" luckily I copied and was gone in the fire too.

Nowadays I must admit one doesn't have the need to buy a CD of one's favorite artist, it's all in the net for us to download and most often for free! (Though sometimes I wonder if music stores will eventually close and lose business because of this.)

Nevertheless, who cares? As long as we enjoy music, whichever way we get them, does not matter anyway.

So back to my Itunes Library, oh well, enough words, I'd better go back and try to finish consolidating and categorizing as much as I can before I got bored doing it.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Featured Model

A good friend and photographer, Jay Plogman from Cincinnati,Ohio featured me in his blog site as one of his past models. It was really flattering and makes me feel proud to be part of his collection.

I met him (and his partner) over a personals website and we clicked immediately.
We've chatted for a while and tried to set up a schedule for a photosession.

When an opportunity to come to Boracay with some friends arised and at the same the Jay and Edson also had planned to go there for a vacation, we're set to a meeting there and the rest was, well, a photo smorgasboard.

Like what Edson posted in his blogsite, we talked as though we already know each other for a long time. He was nice, eloquent, very smart and funny, his better half Edson which I met after was the same, intelligent, very nice, kind and as goodlooking as Jay. They are a very goodlooking couple I'd say.

I may not be the runway type, but I think I'd do to some photographer's eye.

Here's his site link:


Thanks Jay and I miss you together with Edson and our never ending talks about things and life.

Call Me Shallow...But Am Hurting

Why does it always happen when the people you least expect to hurt you, do hurt you?
Even if it is of the shallowest issue, it pains you?

A friend told me maybe because you're not expecting them to do that to you, 'cause they're close, they're family, they're your dearest friends.

Am hurting, from a very superficial incident, I got offended about a comment, in fact some might easily brush it off and treat it as nothing, even a joke. I thought about that also, even told myself maybe if I sleep it over I'll forget about the whole thing.

But I have not forgotten it. Today is the third day, a reader of self-help books that I am, I think I threw everything I learned out of my window!

I hate this, I really do. I don't want to lose the friendship. Funny thing is, I know! I know. I know. I know. Damn it, I know that very, very well!
Why am I this affected, it confuses me.

Am I overreacting? I don't know. I am hurt, that's all I know. Am wallowing in deep sorrow.

I pray I'll get over this soon. Maybe I need to hear the word, sorry or maybe not.
I don't know, really don't know.

Zara and Me

I fell in love with Zara.
Zara who? Yes, I love Zara.

Wait a minute, before you think that I have gone the other way or I woke up and realized that I have gone straight (you wish!), Zara is not a she, but a what, a Spain-based Brand of Clothing that creates classic looking collection of wardrobes and trendy casuals that looks sophisticated, yet not trashy, I'd say, formal, unique, cool and fabulous!

Not cheap though, a set of coat and trousers would cost one a whooping SR 1,000.00 well almost, and for an average-earning OFW that is already the equivalent of a month's remittance back home. Again, wait a minute before you judge me about my spending habits, let me make this clear, I only buy a Zara when they are on SALE! As you can buy the last season collection from 25% up to 70% Off!

Actually Zara Sale is an awaited event, not only to the local Saudis but also to the Filipinos here. It's the only time we can have our most eyed item at an affordable cost.

Wearing the clothes makes me feel confident, smart, classic, vibrant and cool! Combine it with their line of perfume! Fabulous! I feel I am ready, fabulously ready for the world!

I am not sure how much is a Zara back home, but I think I won't be able to afford it there, so I would try to collect them here, as much as I can or when my budget permits. You might say, I must have a lot of clothes, I'd say I do not, would you believe if I told you that the only clothes I owe now are the ones I've manage to accumulate here?

A few months ago, back home, there was a fire incident that consumed 1/8 of our house in Cavite and unfortunately, it was my room that was burned almost to ashes. How I almost lose my balance when my sister called me, after the initial how's everything, the kids, Mama, their safety was verified, it sank in me that I lost everything there, my collection of CDs and DVDs, my collection of books, my dolls, well, KEN Dolls that is, and of course my clothes! Gone!

So whatever clothes I have now are all here with me in Riyadh. I don't have much Zara yet, but maybe in time.

One thing is for sure, I love this brand, and will patronize it as long as I am in Saudi Arabia.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Back In The Closet

I must have been a fool to think much of you
I must have expected quite a bit
Though I told myself not to and you were
So sweet and so beguiling,

I called you many times, and all I get was a ring.
Morning, noon and night, even during twilights.
Mafi answer, enta taban? Enta mafi kuayes?

What happened two weeks before
Suddenly you were no more.

This is what usually happens,
And I never learned, never really learned.
Falling on the first time, everytime
Like an ever f@#$%in' virgin.

What happened two weeks before,
Suddenly I am blinded once more?

Back into the closet, my calloused heart
There you wait once again
If only there is an easy way
I would spare you all the pain.

"You cut me open and I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love." - Jessie McCartney

Happiness Is...

"It's not the things that you buy and wear or the places you go that makes you happy, people makes you happy. Yes, clothes may make a man, but character makes you human."

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Ang Masasabi Ko Lang...Eh Ano Ngayon? (All I Can Say Is...So What?)

Last night, am being one of the boys, yes, that's right, sometimes, I pretend to be straight and go out with the boys, not that they don't know, but just for the fun of it. Though they wished, I was really "one of the boys" and I just laughed about it.

Anyway, through much cajoling from Norman (my straight buddy-buddy) I was dragged into one of the local malls in Riyadh (I won't be mentioning 'cause of the sensitivity of the topic for reasons I cannot divulge why.)

Ok, we were rummaging among the sale items and I can't help gawking from the wild variety of clothing at a very reasonable price. There's even one shirt from a very famous European brand that caught my fancy at 50% discount which I am aching to buy, but can't due to restricted budget. I told myself, a shopaholic that I am I must have that shirt or I won't be getting enough sleep in the coming days!

There was one very funny moment when Norman found some shirts at a very low price,

"Uyy, teneneneng-teneng, shirt, for SR 29!" exclaimed Norman.
"Hanep ah, may sound pa, para tayong mga bata! Ha, ha!" said Michael. (..."we're like kids.")
"Ha, ha, ha!" I kept laughing.
"Teneneng-teneng!, teneneneng-teneng!" Michael sang repeatedly.
"Patay tayo dyan o!" said Norman. ("I am dead!")
"Ha, ha, ha!" I still laugh.
It became the theme of the evening, whenever we found something cool, we blurted out "Teneneneng-teneng!"

After one boutique to another, I met my dear, dear couple Ivy and Benjie in the same mall as I was going out of one stall, after hi and hello, we althogether went to another boutique, of course with the boys. Like we always do, Benjie went with the boys and get to hang out with Ivy, and as always too, we get to find things that makes us both laugh, giggle like little girls and be bad for a minute and find it amusing!

In one store we saw this guy, we slowly approached while pretending to check some shirts and after we were close enough to catch a glimpse of the guy...

"Ang masasabi ko lang eh, ilong." Ivy blurted out. ("All I can say is, Nose.")
"Ilong?" I answered. ("Nose")
"Oo noh, ilong." and I laughed. ("Yes, Nose")
"Ang bad natin noh?" said Ivy giggling. ("We're bad!")

The boys came and she said to Norman.

"Ikaw Norman, ano masasabi mo?" Ivy as she pointed at the guy. ("You Norman, what can you say?")
"Ah, eh, di naman ako interesado eh!" Norman, smiling. ("Ah, eh, am not interested.")
"Hay naku, buti na lang friend kita or else!" ("Oh well, be glad you're my friend, or else")
"Oo nga, or else!" I said and laughed again.("Yeah, or else!")

(Later, on the way home, Norman asked me, about the "or else" from Ivy, and I explained to him that "or else" you're going to be our victim of amusement!)

A friend once told me that it is bad to find amusing about other people, especially their physicalities, not that I am being defensive, yeah, we might be guilty, yes, it is bad to laugh at other people, but "EH ANO NGAYON?"


We don't take it seriously though, and we don't mean any harm. It's just an impression, physical that is, and an immediate reaction to that impression. That's all.

"Eh ano ngayon?"

Before we depart from that mall, Ivy pulled me back to the famous European brand boutique and told me to get the shirt that I'd been eyeing about! I told her if it's meant to be mine, it will be mine, and with wide-eyed answer, she said "IT'S YOURS!"

That same evening, after my usual nightly ritual, I stood in front of the mirror and tried a red-orange colored, body-fit shirt with buttons on the shoulder.

Looks good and I went to sleep, smiling.

Friday, January 15, 2010

I Am What I Am

"I am what I am, I am my own special creation. So come take a look, give me the hook, or the ovation. It's my world and I wanna have a little pride in, my world and it's not a world that I have to hide in. Life's not worth a damn till you can say, I am what I am."- Gloria Gaynor

Enough said.

Focus, Focus, Focus, Consistency

It dawned on me when I reviewed my past posts that, like my mind, which is a clutter of thoughts and ideas, I am not sure what my blog is all about.

Although, I write on impulse, what on my mind at the moment and what bothers me, I try to put it words and post them.

If I am feeling elated, angry, sad, an issue affects me, something had happened I simply put my thoughts and feelings on a platter and served them hot and smoking!

But still, like right now, I am bothered (or should I be?) as to what my blog should be about. I changed my template to make it more dramatic, I changed my header and header caption ...The Arabian Nights...Adventures and Misbehaviors...and then I got it, I'd be writing from now on my everyday life here in the Middle East, actual events but fictitious names (just to be safe) that I encounter as I go on each day.

I may fall into trouble, meet interesting people, go to interesting places, the men, the experience with them, falling in and out of love (ehem) , the joys and pains of being an OFW, far from your family and friends, the new relationships built here, the "misbehaving" and what have you.

Or am I doing it already? Hay...anyway, nevertheless, I'll try to focus and hopefully make my blogsite more interesting to everyone.

So Humbling

I have a blog-friend, so to speak, named Nebz and he has his own blogsite called ISLA DE NEBZ, he works in Al Khobar, Eastern part of Saudi Arabia and I often find his comments in some of my posts. His blog is about a lot of things really, but mostly about Filipinos working and living in Saudi Arabia.

He has his own personal favorite blogs he "find" worthy of taking some time to visit and read! I was surprised to find mine among his list with a brief introduction and description which I find humbling not to mention touching:

"I Am Carlo Magno is a new blog by a Riyadh-based OFW. Says Carlos: "We only have one life ot live and to wait for something to happen is not the thing to do. Go and explore the world. It is there for you, waiting..." His posts are sometimes religious, sometimes irreverent and mostly heart-warming. A good read." - Nebz, Isla de Nebz

It is my sole purpose to share my personal life to everyone, not to brag, nor to get as many fans or what have you, I only want to share my experience in the hope that someone would find it, well, at least bit entertaining, worthy of their time, and if they learn something from it, that'll be my reward.

(And speaking of rewards, I'd like to take this opportunity to congratulate Nebz for winning the PEBA or Pinoy Expat Blog Awards! Way to go Nebz!)

Thanks Nebz and hope to meet you in person, kailan kaya ako ulit maliligaw sa Damman?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

"Mama Mia, Here I Go Again..."

Why does it, that when it comes to meeting people whom you think will have a great part or at least have a bit part to play in your life, they come in so many unexpected ways?

I met Hammad (not his real name) a Syrian, through a mutual friend, two weeks ago and since then I am having butterflies inside my stomach everytime we meet. He was a tag-along company of a Jordanian friend, and the first time I saw him, well, you know the feeling.

Here I am advising another friend about his deep-seated infatuation over a guy when I myself am falling into one. Maybe one of life's ironies, maybe life is getting back at me, maybe daring me to try my own advice! Ironies or no ironies, we often DO NOT follow what we advice to others,right? It's better that way 'cause where would the thrill be if I heed my own advice?

Mama mia, here I go again, my, my, how can I resist you?...

He is a nice guy, tall, slender, beautiful eyes, like all Middle Eastern men do, charming and nice, and I'd like to think we'll be sharing some part of our lives together here in Saudi Arabia. He seemed to be into it so I assumed he's interested, you know what I mean? We talked a lot, (which is what I like most, as I get to know him better, rather than just know how compatible we are in bed!). I also feel it's not the sex, cause funny though, I find myself shying away WHICH I find unusual, really (not that making love with him is a bore, we'll get to that, later, if I remember!)

We've met a lot of times, shared our life stories, watched movies (loves Jackie Chan so I downloaded his movies to his delight), and just held each other. The feeling really is good. Real good. He kisses me when I least expected it. He would have me lay my head on his arms but we don't sleep together, for he find it uncomfortable sleeping on the bed and enjoys laying on the floor! That's fine as long as I know he's there still beside me, even just on the floor.

He works in a restaurant as an order-taker in one of the busy districts here in Riyadh, from 3PM till 2AM with no day-off! He complains of too much people coming and going, standing all through the night and getting tired all the time. What a symphatetic, hopelessly romantic and infatuated guy to do? Massage his two tired legs and feet of course:

"Hmm, enta kuayes, habibi...hmmm, hada miya-miya!" he quips.
"Akid? Munken enta ma-ebqa!" I said, worriedly.
"La, la! Ana ebqa, miya-miya Charlie, shokran, shokran, walah, ana taban kathir habibi, ana ebqa enta."

Then he would look at me, and {I wonder what he thinks) I would ask, "Esh ebqa, fi mushkala?" He'll shake his head and just smile at me and look away.

"Andyan ka na naman, tinutukso-tukso ang aking puso, ilang ulit na bang, iniiwasan ka, di na natuto..." ("Here you are again, tempting my heart, how many times I try to elude you, I never learned.")

That said, I'll try to take this slow, and hopefully, something good will happen. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

In Love si Friend

Do you know, what it feels like for a girl, do you know? - Madonna

A friend of mine told me that he's in love. Ok, with so much enthusiasm he related how head over heels, no, better word is how gagah he is getting over this guy who works in one of my company's retail store. He's like a sixteen year old girl! I am sure that's how he is feeling lately.

I am happy for him, though. It's nice to see people who are in love. You see them beaming with energy, excitement and the term "everything seems a bed of roses" applies.

I just hope he's not the only person who's feeling elated. I wonder how his object of affection is doing? As it takes two to tango, right?

Hay, love, ano ba? Me, the last time I fell in love, or I think I fell in love were last year when I met this incredibly handsome and sweet Syrian guy who swept me off my feet! It was an almost perfect love affair, but due to some circumstances, it was short and left me hanging by the edge of my sanity. He has to go home to his father, got his return visa expired and left with no choice but to stay in his country! I call him once in while since then, he sends a message as rarely as the desert rain. Sometimes he cries (and I wonder why), and our lives would go on. I miss him though,his smile, his voice, the way he held me in his arm when we sleep together, his kisses, ooohh, his kisses!

There were others whom I met, and I immediately end it when after "getting to know each other" in bed, I would feel our relationship would not leave "that" bed. I'd like to have a meaningful one again, something to inspire me, someone I can take care of and will take care of me. Somebody to wake up in the morning, or kiss me goodnight. Say "how's your day dear?" wouldn't that take your stress away? Simply someone to love and loved back.

They say not to look 'cause love will find me, others say I must look and how would that person meet me if I am not looking! Kalokah!

Anyway, I believe in FATE so let the universe decide! Go!

Back to my friend, I told him to take it slowly and try to get to know each other well. Sometimes love doesn't make us think, we just act on impulse and more often we tend to get our heart broken. We give it all on the first chance we can get and by the time we're in it, we have not much left to give to keep the relationship going. Nevertheless, being in love is still a very nice feeling. I hope I get a knack at it again and hopefully soon.

Be As Thou Wast Want To Be

We fairies
That do run
From the presence
Of the sun.

We follow
Like a dream

Be as thou wast want to be
See as thou wast want to see

- William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Nights Dream

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Winter Whirlwind

You came quite unexpectedly
Like the cold, icy evening wind.
Like a winter whirlwind you ensnare me
Caught me in your encircling arms.

In a moment I lose my mind
I do not know where I was anymore.
Your pounding is hard, thorough;
It felt like I was torn apart.

But it soothes nevertheless,
I closed my eyes and let go.
I never knew who I was anymore
And then you suddenly withdrew.

All is gone, quickly as it came.
Everything stopped and winter once again.
Cold, silent, creeping inside;
The winter whirlwind is over, and gone.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I just watched this gay-themed French movie Juste Une Question D'amour (Just A Question Of Love) about an intern and a research scientist who fell in love along the way. The closeted intern Laurent is being pressured by scientist Cedric to come out to his parents as he himself already out with his mother and living a "free" life. He doesn't want to pretend anymore and this causes conflict into their relationship. To cut the long story short, Laurent came out to his parents not before Cedric's accepting mother outed him first, but the bottom line is, as Laurent simply put it as he outed himself to his homophobic father: (as translated in the subtitles)

"I love a guy. I know you can't stand it but that's how it is.
It's not a question of gay or straight.
It's just a question of love."

Besides the two incredibly great acting performance of Cyrille Thouvenin (Laurent) and Stephan Guerin-Tillie (Cedric, who is so gorgeous) the story is from 1 to 5, is 5 for me, the highest.

Reality check, it is quite true that it doesn't matter really whom you love and how you love, whatever makes you happy is far more important. Yes there are still a lot of people who find same-sex relationship repulsive and offensive but does it matter what they think or say? Your family might throw you out or disown you, still just follow your heart and be your truest self, and be a positive person, they'll come around sooner or later.

Love does not discriminate, it transcends all colors and creed. But the human psyche is sometimes cluttered with so many unnecessary thoughts that it clouded our understanding and our capacity to be humane. Our belief system sometimes are too straight and narrow that we missed other points of view.

This movie tells us that yes our families might not accept who we really are and what makes us happy, but they only wanted the best for us or what they think are best for us and let's give then credit for that. In the end, who we are and what we chose to be, we have to believe in it and live it for only the truth can set us free.

Who Are You Stranger?

Just when I am about to gave up on finding
Someone that might bring back that spark
There you are, standing in front of me,
Beguiling, smiling
And the smell of cigarette catched my senses
The musky, manly fragrance that you carry.

Like a whirlwind it carried me.
I float, I soar, I hovered above us.
You still stood before me, I am above you.
Who are you, stranger?
Where you came from?
Were you that someone I prayed for?
Or just another bead to add in my
Personal rosary?

I came back to my trembling body
You tried to held me as if I am about to fall.
I might be, for you caught my fancy.
I will try to see, where this would lead me. Us.
For you seem a little distant, for now.
Maybe, just maybe, you and I
I and you, who knows, dreams do come true.

Monday, January 4, 2010

2010 - Year of The Tiger and a Good Year for an Ox

It is in my heritage to take note of yearly predictions pertaining to one's Chinese Astrology sign, and being an Ox, I read that 2010 will be a good year for me.

Compared to last year, though, I believe that there are events in our lives that we had to go through or experience in order to awaken a part of us, be it a slumbering energy, a trait, a lesson, or what have you. All the things that happened are all meant to be. I have a lot of not so good experiences but I survived and have not gave up.

This year I am looking forward to a favorable year, both in career and love, I am hoping to the best and nothing will be better than a lovelife.

It's been so long.

In any which way, a good career isn't bad either. Only time will tell. I would be more aware of my actions towards others. I guess that would help.

Though there are minor setbacks like I should watch what I eat and get flu shots for I might be susceptible to sickness. I believe I am healthy enough, nevertheless being conscious ain't bad too.

All in all, this will be a good year. Not great, but good. God bless me.