Bitch

"I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm your brother. I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed. I'm your hell, I'm your dream, I'm nothing in between...
I'm a bitch, I'm a tease, I'm a god hard on my knees, when you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover, I've been numbed, I'm revived can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way" - Meredith Brooks, Bitch (with a slight change in words to suit the gender, ;)

Intimo by Jay Plogman

A good friend of mine who is a photographer recently published his coffee table book of his collection of male photos. I was surprised to find myself included in the book, of the photos we took about some time ago. I feel so honored and it was a dream come true. Here is the book and you can purchase it at blurb.com, check it out!

Intimo by Jay Plogman | Make Your Own Book

Like A Charging Bull

The other night you came, like a charging bull.
No talks, no signs, and you are so sure.
I have no questions nor had any fear
The actions are direct and made very clear.

In a flash you brought me to me knees
Shaking with glory as I take it with ease.
My mind is in hyper speed, my body tense,
Diving into your soul, deep and slow.

The power shifted and before I knew
I was under and weighing the rest of you.
Mad, in passion, like an angry bull
You ravaged like hell and broke my soul.

Another blink and it was all over.
Like after every storm, the silence.
Slowly you came to reality and without a word,
You came and left my crazy little world.

I Don't Want To Survive, I Want To Live

What if death comes knocking at your door and you are caught in your pyjamas? In real life it does come when we least expect it. We are never ready.

What the hell am I talking about?

At this point in my life, I feel like I am still not living it to the fullest. It feels stuck. But in my heart of hearts, the fire of adventure and life is burning endlessly and I am being restless nowadays.


I am compelled to take a risk but there are things that held me back. So I need courage which I lack. How and where would I get this courage, well, there is only one place, I can find it only in my heart and at the moment it is hidden somewhere between fickle-mindedness, attachment and laziness. I really need to wake up.

As another Lunar year ended and another started, a new beginning is on the horizon, and how to begin, or rather what to begin is another question. Or should I just continue what I have already began?

Many moons before I share that being here in this place had its reasons, I think I already found out the reason why, it's probably I was fated to be here in this country to find myself, my true self, in a place where morality and conservatism is being upheld with an iron fist, where most times I am in my room with much time to think and to look back into my life; and it's a roller coaster ride of emotions and feelings that sometimes it felt like I am going crazy. I know I am doing the right thing of knowing myself first and what I want before courage comes in. Before my heart says I am ready and here is the courage for you to take that first step on your journey to real life.

And there is so much to do, so much to see and we all have so little time. Time, yes, what is time really? Isn't it now? That TIMEmoment we call NOW? I am in the NOW, we all are, and we have to live it without pretentions, without fear, with love and with dignity.

At least when death comes knocking at my door it will find me in my travel clothes. I may not live half the life I am dreaming of, but half is not already bad. My life right now is a life of survival, living it just to make ends meet. I don't want to survive, I want to live. I am ready to live.

Window

I can see you from my bedroom window.
Everynight, while doing your nightly routine,
I stand watch, in silence, in awe
Of you, and how the moonlight shine
On your face, making a silhouette,
Ethereal yet real.

I look away when you glance at mine,
Pretending I do not know, I'm not there
That I did not see you, oh how I quiver!
I wonder and I dream as I lay on my pillow
Will there be a day, when I can know,
You feel the same.

"There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same - only love." - Johnny Depp, Don Juan de Marco

I Guess Life Is Short

Nobody died, nor anyone is sick, it's just that in this so-called journey of mine to find my inner self had lead me to expose most of my excess feelings and emotions that I've always try to hide.

Enough of the dramas, enough complaining and bickering. I just had enough of negative feelings and thoughts that it ate much of my energy. I could have directed them to a more useful and productive endeavor.

Life is too short. I was told by my spiritual teacher that all these things that I am going through were part of the process. Until I said enough, then that's the start of another phase, another step in my journey of self discovery. I had to get rid of my excess baggages for the journey to be light.

It is hard, really. But taking it a day at a time, at my own phase, at my own time, is worth every step.

So life is short, and it's a journey, and it never stops.