This blog contains opinions, experiences, thoughts and observations of the author from his day to day living.
It is subject to comments, criticisms and corrections, and all will be dealt with constructively and do leave your comments I would love to hear from you.
There is no intention to offend, discriminate nor degrade anybody or anything for that matter, only shared feelings, emotions and angsts at the moment.
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Sunday, October 30, 2011

Feeling Like A Nobody

It’s easy to get discouraged and feel like a nobody. Maybe doing something drastic or praise-worthy, change of group or circle of friends is the answer. I look forward to the day when my  name is called and people finally see and hear me.

However, being known doesn’t change the problem of being a nobody. It just changes the location. Now instead of being an unknown in my old group, I am unknown in a bigger crowd.

The fact is, even famous people get lost in the crowd. It’s a tough reality, especially when I feel like alienatedor worst maybe not needed anymore. Over the past weeks, I’ve had my share of concerns that I am just another person in the crowd, a passing friend, even thinking everything I do to another person even in the "goodest" of intentions are almost always misconstrude.

Now that I start to feel like a nobody, I think I need to give myself a mini-pep talk, which includes these four points in one form or another:

1. Lower my expectations.

I am a little naive, and I am too trusting at times that I got run over. Honestly I don't mind cause I put people on a pedestal, especially those I get to care about and loved. Problem is, the moment they slip up, I tend to lose heart and I find it hard to held them in high regards again. So I tend to keep distant which is mistaken that I didn't care, but what I am trying to do is just keeping distance in order to see them in another perspective and make clear to me why I put them in such a high importance in my life. Sometimes I see why, and sometimes I don't. But I was already given the cold shoulder treatment by the time I find out.

2. I speak my mind too often

I am not sure whether it is right or wrong to speak one's mind outloud, and say the right words at the wrong time, or the wrong words at the right time. I forget that people can be sensitive at times and I get to be insensitive, and people can be insenstive and I am just plain stupid.
3. Misunderstood

Frankly speaking, I would rather not talk nor act on something or anything, 'cause  I am always misunderstood. But even if I chose not to move or say anything, still it is understood that I, yes, didn't care at all.

4. I care too much and get too close for comfort

I learned the hard way that getting too close to anyone is not a good thing, there should always be a space in between or what do we get? You guess it right, when two bodies are too close , as my physics teacher told me, it creates friction. Oh well, so much for being a close friend, I got too comfortable thinking that everything I do or say will just be taken on a stride. I was dead wrong.

So being a nobody because of these points really sucks, but nevertheless opens my mind and eyes to the degree of relationship I have with the people I came to know. So what now? I am not sure at all, really, I am too far to the people in which I am not a nobody and I have to live with this feeling for now.

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