This blog contains opinions, experiences, thoughts and observations of the author from his day to day living.
It is subject to comments, criticisms and corrections, and all will be dealt with constructively and do leave your comments I would love to hear from you.
There is no intention to offend, discriminate nor degrade anybody or anything for that matter, only shared feelings, emotions and angsts at the moment.
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Thursday, January 5, 2012

My Hero Become A Zero

I heard and read a lot about prejudism and discrimination, be it of race and gender, and my heart goes out to people who suffers so much because of this. This world although already on the verge of almost achieving anything, still has a lot to learn about acceptance, tolerance and brotherhood. Many people fight for the right to be equal and to be accepted without conditions, separation and hatred.
I never thought that the day will come when I will feel the way these discriminated people feel, just because I am "different"
I met an Arab hero, for me he is, an artist, award-winning, cool, nice and very good at what he does,  I made a way to find out about him and did a research about his art, his passion, and the work that he did. Maybe fate made it a little easy as coincedentally a friend works were he works. I got his email and soon we were exchanging ideas, and I am relating how I admire his work, his passion, his art.
Then after a couple of months a meeting was set for the first time and I was so excited and going way over my head, I prepared my portfolio, memorized his resume so that I will come prepared and I get to ask questions that I so wanted to ask. As an aspiring artist too, I need to meet someone who'd taken the journey and learn from him. The agreed day and time came and we met in a branded coffee shop, and from the moment we talked, it was pure high for me, I'd say I was startstrucked. I digest every word he says, his stories, his dreams, his projects, his work, his style, his adventures, how he create, his techniques, his frustrations, his life. I am hanging on to every word and I never felt this way, the way a fan would feel when he meet his hero. He commented about my work, and labelled me a "lifestyle" artist as most of my work conveys a story, that he admired my "quick" eye in seeing the aesthetic at a glance and how he wanted to learn the same.
There was no moment wasted, three hours of full art and passion, in the end there was an invitation for a collaboration, a group, travels and new projects, and I almost broke his arm when we shook hands after. I went home full of inspiration, positive energy, new hopes and dreams.
But it was all short lived.
The next day, feeling elated and happy the whole day, I received a text message that he doesn't want to see me anymore. I was "what?" and I immediately called him but he never picked up, instead he pressed off to busy the, the next text messages got me asking why and what happened. Apparently, he found my Facebook account and saw my pictures when I used to model (half naked) and my gender identity, he told me that he doesn't want to go out or be with, nor seen with someone who prefers men and who is "different" (at least he used a kind enough word) and he doesn't want to be with someone where he feel awkward to be with,  I was devastated, heartbroken, I felt angry, sad and numb. It felt like sky fell on me, it's the first time I experienced rejection and discrimination simply because I am "different." I told him that my personality has nothing to do with the passion we both love, the art that we do, I told him that my interest and admiration for him is purely of respect and inspiration, nothing more and nothing less. I have no intention whatsoever of crossing any line but of friendship and apprentice. I don't remember  giving him any hint nor showing him any signs. Did he thought I would jump on him? He's not even my type!
Still his closed mind did not agree. His last message was a wish for me of luck and a goodbye.
I hurt the rest of the day, my heart got smashed into pieces, I thought breaking up with my 6 year relation is the worst but this feels even more worst. It almost killed me, and good thing I have a strong sense of who I am and my positivity is strong enough, I made it through the day.
I stopped myself of continuing to argue my case just to change his mind and educate him about prejudism and discrimination. I just tried to let it all go. It's hard, but I do try to let this anger and sadness go. The irony of it all is that he shared with me his experience about discrimination too! That being a local, many other nationalities would not want to work with him because of the stigma that his kind were hard to difficult to work with, that their work ethics is relatively the same as "simply watching the sheep graze along the grassy plain". That these media people would rather hire international professionals than hire locals, even if they spend more. This is one of his greatest frustrations and now this? I think he should know better, he should understood the feeling of rejection and discrimination.
In all fairness though, maybe his being prejudiced is nothing personal, that being a Muslim and his cultural upbringing has something to do with it, but what about brotherhood, compassion, tolerance and love of others? Aren't these also being taught in their religion?
I hate to say that my hero became a zero. Too bad when we could, or might, have a good camaraderie together and who knows create something amazing and grand.
Discrimination is wrong, in any which way you view it. I will stand up against this and show him that I will be better than him in more ways he could possibly be. He is just one person to look up to, well, not anymore, a hero does not have a closed heart, a hero possesses all the qualities people will admire him  for. I guess I'll just find another whom will be deserving to be called one.


  1. its not really a discrimination thing pero siguro whats lack in us eh yong acceptance comes with understanding. minsan din it is the attitude of one person or country to act such.

  2. Try not to see this as you being discriminated against. See it as his personal choice and preference for himself. Look at it this way, if you went to purchase a pie would you make that purchase solely based on who the baker is or whether or not you like the flavor of that pie? He just doesn't prefer your particular flavor. It's best for you to see yourself as a particular flavor in life. If you are chocolate and someone doesn't like chocolate, you shouldn't let that hurt your feelings. You just go find a chocolate lover and forget about the one that prefers vanilla. See what I mean? You're ok friend. You're gonna be just fine. :-) May I add, I know what you're going through. I'm different too. Different is the best way to be!

  3. Hi Kelline, i realized that after a while, and I honestly say it did affect me, the experience in a way, but i turned it around into something positive, it inspire me to be better at anything i do, and i love the pie analogy, just perfect! yes, different is unique, we are unique and always special! thanks! mwah!