My Hero Become A Zero

I heard and read a lot about prejudism and discrimination, be it of race and gender, and my heart goes out to people who suffers so much because of this. This world although already on the verge of almost achieving anything, still has a lot to learn about acceptance, tolerance and brotherhood. Many people fight for the right to be equal and to be accepted without conditions, separation and hatred.

I never thought that the day will come when I will feel the way these discriminated people feel, just because I am "different"

I met an Arab hero, for me he is, an artist, award-winning, cool, nice and very good at what he does,  I made a way to find out about him and did a research about his art, his passion, and the work that he did. Maybe fate made it a little easy as coincedentally a friend works were he works. I got his email and soon we were exchanging ideas, and I am relating how I admire his work, his passion, his art.
Then after a couple of months a meeting was set for the first time and I was so excited and going way over my head, I prepared my portfolio, memorized his resume so that I will come prepared and I get to ask questions that I so wanted to ask. As an aspiring artist too, I need to meet someone who'd taken the journey and learn from him. The agreed day and time came and we met in a branded coffee shop, and from the moment we talked, it was pure high for me, I'd say I was startstrucked. I digest every word he says, his stories, his dreams, his projects, his work, his style, his adventures, how he create, his techniques, his frustrations, his life. I am hanging on to every word and I never felt this way, the way a fan would feel when he meet his hero. He commented about my work, and labelled me a "lifestyle" artist as most of my work conveys a story, that he admired my "quick" eye in seeing the aesthetic at a glance and how he wanted to learn the same.

There was no moment wasted, three hours of full art and passion, in the end there was an invitation for a collaboration, a group, travels and new projects, and I almost broke his arm when we shook hands after. I went home full of inspiration, positive energy, new hopes and dreams.

But it was all short lived.

The next day, feeling elated and happy the whole day, I received a text message that he doesn't want to see me anymore. I was "what?" and I immediately called him but he never picked up, instead he pressed off to busy the, the next text messages got me asking why and what happened. Apparently, he found my Facebook account and saw my pictures when I used to model (half naked) and my gender identity, he told me that he doesn't want to go out or be with, nor seen with someone who prefers men and who is "different" (at least he used a kind enough word) and he doesn't want to be with someone where he feel awkward to be with,  I was devastated, heartbroken, I felt angry, sad and numb. It felt like sky fell on me, it's the first time I experienced rejection and discrimination simply because I am "different." I told him that my personality has nothing to do with the passion we both love, the art that we do, I told him that my interest and admiration for him is purely of respect and inspiration, nothing more and nothing less. I have no intention whatsoever of crossing any line but of friendship and apprentice. I don't remember  giving him any hint nor showing him any signs. Did he thought I would jump on him? He's not even my type!

Still his closed mind did not agree. His last message was a wish for me of luck and a goodbye.
I hurt the rest of the day, my heart got smashed into pieces, I thought breaking up with my 6 year relation is the worst but this feels even more worst. It almost killed me, and good thing I have a strong sense of who I am and my positivity is strong enough, I made it through the day.

I stopped myself of continuing to argue my case just to change his mind and educate him about prejudism and discrimination. I just tried to let it all go. It's hard, but I do try to let this anger and sadness go. The irony of it all is that he shared with me his experience about discrimination too! That being a local, many other nationalities would not want to work with him because of the stigma that his kind were hard to difficult to work with, that their work ethics is relatively the same as "simply watching the sheep graze along the grassy plain". That these media people would rather hire international professionals than hire locals, even if they spend more. This is one of his greatest frustrations and now this? I think he should know better, he should understood the feeling of rejection and discrimination.

In all fairness though, maybe his being prejudiced is nothing personal, that being a Muslim and his cultural upbringing has something to do with it, but what about brotherhood, compassion, tolerance and love of others? Aren't these also being taught in their religion?
I hate to say that my hero became a zero. Too bad when we could, or might, have a good camaraderie together and who knows create something amazing and grand.
Discrimination is wrong, in any which way you view it. I will stand up against this and show him that I will be better than him in more ways he could possibly be. He is just one person to look up to, well, not anymore, a hero does not have a closed heart, a hero possesses all the qualities people will admire him  for. I guess I'll just find another whom will be deserving to be called one.

Love In Between Tradition and Beliefs

Weekend, like every weekend before, I just stayed home and watched movies, something to pass time, if I am not reading or mastering my camera. One thing about me is that I love movies that is not conventional, something special that not a lot of people would like to talk about  or would shy away to see, or am I being too indifferent? Anyway, it has been part of my daily internet surfing to find good GLTB movies, not the exquisitely sensual types, ok, yeah, sometimes, but those dramas, comedies, romance and suspence movies that basically about the lives and loves of the GLTB community.

Without me knowing it, I finished watching two movies that really tackled very sensitive topics but were dealt with lightly and semi-lightly. It's about love overcoming trandition and religion. One is gay and the other is lesbian.

My very first lesbian movie, and I never thought I'd love it this much, I Can't Think Straight stars two gorgeous women who's portrayal of closeted lesbians just caught me off guard, not to mention being a Catholic-Arab and a Muslim-Hindi (and how about that for starters!) made the movie interesting and poignant. Both families were traditional, and both were expected to follow their parent's choices for them, even when it comes to love. Family loyalty and respect were jeopardized when they fell in love. Good thing the setting was in the modern age, so people tend to be a little bit open, well after a lot of denials and dramas. Enough said. One thing though, I will never looked at lesbians the same way again.

The other is called A Touch Of Pink, where a gay Muslim-Pakistani who's mother visits gets to find out that her son is living with a man whom she thought first were a housemate. But eventually the truth was revealed and broken hearted not to see his only child get married and have grandchildren leaves. But mothers are mothers, they cannot abandoned their child however their child turn out to be. So a reconciliation and acceptance lead to a happy ending. Enough said again.

I will not divulge much of the movie, cause it is better if you people of the blog watch it, it will be worth the three hours in front of the TV, I promise. The sexual content were a minority, and were dealt with artistically and as a part of the story and not graphic.

I really believe in love,  love that transcends through the hardest of adversities. After all, we are here because of love, so why some people put a label on it? Why we sometimes define love? Love is beyond everything we understand it to be, and if we cannot understand the very core from which love evolves, we will never get pass the point of prejudice, hate, limiting beliefs, indifference and intolerance. Does it matter when two men or two women fall in love? Are there really rules in love?  Is it written somewhere that love should only be between a man and a woman? There are so many debatable questions about love, and to add to the pointless argument, the subject of tradition and religious beliefs, combine that with narrow-mindedness and closed hearts and minds and what have we got? A totally messed up world.

We are made to love and feel love, share love and be loved. It makes us human, it makes us divine. It's our one way ticket to eternity, and we have but a short time to learn about love.

But human as we are, we  love to scare and limit ourselves by setting rules, religion and all those beliefs that imprisoned our souls and hardened  our hearts and not to mention closed our minds.

These two stories had in them powerful messages about love, being true to oneself, to be brave to stand and fight for one's freedom to choose whom to love. No matter and whatever people might say, nobody and nothing can ever tell us who we are and how we should be. We may be outcasted, disowned, hated and be judged, but as long as we stay true to who we are, nothing else matters.