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Friday, October 22, 2010

A Friendship Gone Wrong

I had a close male friend.

We've been through , not a lot, but some issues and we worked it out. We share what we have, we laugh, we play, we talk a lot, and I mean A LOT.

He became like a brother to me.

There was a part of his life that he let me in. Matters of the heart.
As he seeks advice and help, being like a big brother, I offered my words of wisdom.
But as I got deeper and deeper into his heart, and not to mention his mind, let's just say I saw it coming, I came to realize that he is not the person I expected him to be.

He became as stranger.

I've learned that he had this dark side of him that is, well, not scary, but conflicted.

He does not know himself at all and what he taught is good is actually not.
Yes, I was there, caught in the middle of it and I tried not to lose myself into losing the guy to his self-generated destruction. I extended my help as deeper as he allowed me to go. I adviced, suggested, brought positivity, supported emotionally and what have you.

And then it dawned on me he felt I overstepped, or I thought I overstepped the boundaries of being a good friend. I started to feel a distance, coldness and silence. See, I am a person who reads the signs, the signals and feel things, these helped me a lot in my day to day existence, but getting back, I didn't wondered why actually. Like what I've mentioned, I already see it coming.

What I thought was brotherly love the guy took it negatively. All the while when I thought he was listening and agreeing with me and helping him get through his life, it was taken negatively. I became the overbearing big brother~! God! I am the bad guy, I am the meddlesome friend who only wanted to show him a better way to live his life. I became all these oddly, with his persmission!

I thought of talking it out with him, but sensing that it will be just one big waste of time, I decided not to.

It HURTS. It does but what else can I do, I did my best to straighten him up, but he still chose to bend. He does not want to see himself through me. He hates it. He doesn't want to be reminded about his undecisiveness, his messed up mind, his lies, his pretentions, his immaturity, his impulsiveness, his outlook in life in general, cause to him, he is a great guy.

And who doesn't think 'bout being great? But great people listened to criticism and turn these into something greater about themselves.

So, what to do? Let him be. Just simply let him be.

It hurts, I am letting it go. He can have his life back, without me in it. We are still friends, but I am not letting myself in again, even if he forces me to.

3 comments:

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  2. Sometimes, we want to be with others because we share the same interests. Sometimes though, we overstepped them and worse, molding them the way we want them to be. In your case, let him be his self. Somehow, he is big enough to face his actions; in the end, and once he found you were right then, he will change. Otherwise, if he let himself be the way he is, perhapq, that is theuway he really wunted to be. Just be happy with that.

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  3. i guess marlon, it was never my intention to mold him, because i know he can be greater than he is, was just guiding him and letting him decide, what hurts was he took everything negatively and to think he gave me the permission to guide him...anyways..that's life.

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