The Path I Want To Take

Life begins at 40, at this stage most people probably are stable, living their lives according to what they believe in, and I am still feeling lost. Lost in everything, am I having an early midlife crisis? I don't think so.
I am in the midst of having a major setback in my life, no job, no offers, no money, and a future that seemed to be bleak.
I often ask myself why.
The answer came unexpectedly, and I realized that it's been there all along. For the last three years of my life I had been preparing for this set back, sounds a bit weird, but I knew it coming and for a great reason. I need to go through this in order to understand and open myself to a lot of bigger things. Bigger than I can ever comprehend.
I need to go through this in order to appreciate the lessons in wants, losses, simplicity and letting go. There is so much to understand about a lot of things going on, and my mind had been filled with a lot of questions hat needs answers. I am learning to let go of my wants. Accumulation of things I really don't have a need for, things that I can live without. Tangible and intangible things, I am releasing myself from the chain of envy, the binds of commercialism and social standards.
The path to greater freedom and understanding of the world and how life should be lived is a road not everyone travel through. Many will not understand at a glance the subtle changes I may undergo, they may say I am going out of my mind even.
I am not satisfied with what is already given, the obvious, the norm, what everyone else should be doing. I am not happy, I cannot be myself. I had to conform to what people expect of me, I had to follow what everyone else is doing. That I should be scared of going out of the safety of a collective thinking that it is not ok to change, to break the rules, to ask the question, to shake the bottle and crate confusion and chaos.
I will seek the answers to many of my questions, and open myself to all possibilities.
It will be a dangerous choice, but a choice nonetheless that I am free to take. I am ready to go to the other side and I am not scared. I am ready to take the journey and start a life meant for me to live. To understand my purpose and to act on this divine gift using all the skills and talents that I acquire through the years. Its been laid our for me, and I can see it clearly.
It will require greater patience and perseverance, a clear mind and an awakened spirit. Slowly, I am going out of my comfort zone, I am observing myself, being conscious of myself, my every word and action. This awareness of oneself is the start of my journey, for it is by getting to know myself, who I am as creation of pure love and light, will serve as my vehicle to travel through an ocean of knowledge and discoveries.
It will not be easy, but the reward is immeasurable.
The journey will be an adventure.
A dream within a dream, where every character is of my own creation, my own life.
I have to die, consciously in order to resurrect into the person I am meant to be. To follow a guide that is presented to me by the universe itself. To know the truth about God, the universe, the hidden truths and evolve to a higher conscious being and take people who are willing to travel the same path with me as many as I can.