Things We're Wasting Our Time On Emotionally

So there, am back with an inspiration to write something that I realized I had wasted many of my time on. Slowly I am starting to find that there really is so much more out there than just moping around and regardless of where I am right now, it doesn't stop me from being the best person I can be, as hard as I try to be. Maybe it is my nature, or maybe I am just too emotional at times. On accounting on the things I need to stop wasting my time on and just go on with what makes me happy, I have made a list about it. Before I go to that, here's the question, how much time are we wasting today on people, things or events that affect us emotionally? Drains and stressed us out?

Would you believe, it is easier to spend time on the emotionally draining than to work on emotionally-enriching activities? Want to know why? Because we were told over and over again to avoid "negative" feelings, thoughts and experiences. We are taught that negative is "bad." When in reality, avoiding the negative, is what's bad for us.

So here's the list we can't afford to waste our time on, life is short!

Watching the news for whatever we "need to know" about the world.

Watching other people’s drama play out on drama or reality TV  instead of dealing with our own drama, or allowing ourselves to admit that yes, even us have personal problems

Paying money to be “entertained” when you’re really just bored, desensitized, numb, apathetic, or too lazy to do something that’s not only enertaining, but also relevant and enriching.
Laughing off your problems instead of actually facing them.
Using sarcasm to hide how you feel
Judging your social life in terms of quantity of friends (and/or lovers) rather than quality, or intimacy
Hanging around people who don’t appreciate or respect you because you think it’s even worse to be alone
Interacting with "plastic" people instead of getting closer to real individuals you can truly connect with
Expecting other people to care about how you’re feeling without good reason
Expecting other people not to care about how you’re feeling without good reason
Trusting people too easily because you’re too afraid of getting hurt
Not trusting people enough because you’re too afraid of getting hurt
Believing anything anyone tells you without using your own discernment
Believing that spirituality is somehow more evolved than religion when it’s just a new kind of religion
Believing that anything good, spiritual, or otherwise worth sharing should be free  just because you personally don’t want to pay for it
Equating money with wealth when what you really want is time
Seeking happiness for hedonistic reasons
Seeking happiness for “spiritual” reasons
Equating happiness with the absence of ego without even understanding “what” ego “is”
Trying to kill, repress, control or put to sleep your ego which is fruitless, because you can’t get rid of your subconscious
Trying to kill your emotions when you can’t do so without harming yourself
Trying to change or control your emotions  as control is only ever an illusion
Trying to prevent yourself from experiencing any negative emotions instead of figuring out why you experience them in the first place
Trying to get rid of negative thoughts instead of focusing on how best to respond to them
Trying to stay positive at the expense of being realistic
Attempting to manage your anger instead of working with it
Refraining from taking something personally for fear of getting angry
Lying to yourself about how angered you are at someone and then being passive aggressive toward them by “being late” to an engagement or “forgetting” something important
Trying to “cool off” your anger instead of mindfully letting it
Becoming bitter and resentful  instead of getting angry
Not expressing your anger at all not even when you're all by yourself
Allowing others to use you instead of setting boundaries
Talking negatively about yourself in public or in private
Not speaking up for yourself  for fear of not appearing “nice”
Harboring self-critical beliefs without evaluating the usefulness of those beliefs
Measuring your worth by someone else’s standards instead of accepting yourself unconditionally
Striving for “perfection”  without defining “perfection”
Waiting for that “perfect” partner to sweep you off your feet  instead of spending that time and energy loving your partner for life: yourself
Waiting for permission to pursue your passions and actualize your dreams instead of giving yourself permission
Blaming yourself whenever others you know are in pain instead of maintaining healthy boundaries
Thinking that someone else holds the keys to your happiness
Viewing others’ thoughts and emotions as being more signifcant than yours or viewing your thoughts and emotions as being more important than others’
Viewing adversity as “bad” instead of an opportunity for growth
Telling someone they’re bad (for hurting you)  instead of telling them how they hurt you
Wondering if you should or shouldn’t be feeling a certain way instead of figuring out precisely why you feel a certain way
Secretly feeling jealous or envious of others instead of experiencing your jealously or envy, and then getting on with your life

Avoiding fear instead of embracing it

Avoiding how you feel  because you think that you always have to act on all of your emotions
Choosing blame instead of response ability

Blaming your actions on your gender, age, ethnicity, etc. without acknowledging your ability to make choices

Trying to forgive someone for hurting you instead of dealing with the problem so that you can protect yourself from getting hurt again

Ignoring a problem in hopes that it will go away

Ignoring a broken heart instead of tending to it

Withholding your love for fear of getting hurt (the only way to love is to risk getting hurt)

Believing that love is all you need the mere feeling is never “enough”

Regreting over the past instead of learning from it

Worrying about the future instead of preparing for it

Procrastinating instead of facing what you’re really feeling

Ignoring the “other side” of a story for fear of what you’ll learn

Trying win an argument

Emotionally investing in people who does like you and avoid you  left and right

Telling other people what they “should” think without knowing if they’re interested in what you think

Letting anyone else tell you how you should think

Trying to prove to others that you’re not “wrong” when what you need to do is convince yourself

Trying to prove to others that you’re not “wrong” when what you need to do is protect yourself

Telling yourself that you’re too old, young, this, or that for your opinion to matter or believing anyone else who says so

Unnecessarily defending yourself to people who don’t matter

Trying to gain acceptance and approval

Kind of long isn't it, but I am sure we are guilty to most of it, I am. Only when we’re convinced we’re wasting our time on any of the above we'll continue wasting it. Many times, we have to waste enough time to know that it’s a waste. Only then, we can stop wasting time because we know the results of doing so. Do we really have to learn them the hard way? I did.

World AIDS Day

Soon the day will be over and hopefully everyone said prayer or two for all those who are suffering from AIDS and HIV including the families who lost their loved ones to this devastating disease. Here's mine:

Lord, you never give us any burden we cannot bear.

You teach us in many ways how to get closer to You.

To believe in Your love and power.

Give us strength to face this enemy that is taking lives.

Give us the knowledge to find the cure.

Give us the will to carry on.

Give comfort to the weary heart who lost their loved ones.

Give compassion to those who are sick.

And let our faith not falter to each loss and failure.

We know all these are part of Your grand plan.

We humbly ask for your mercy and grace.

Hear our prayers, and praise and glory forever be Yours.

Amen.

So What and Who Cares?

Before anyone raises an eyebrow, bear in mind that this is not something to be taken the way it is. I will simply try to talk about something mundane, that by saying "so what and who cares?" can be something entirely new. Stay with me.

I have adopted a new thinking, as my experiences have thought me, this may sound insensitive but really it is not, it's the "so what, who cares," attitude about issues that get me all annoyed, irritated even angered at times. It's also an attitude that some of my close friends adopted with great finesse. They didn't learned it from me, but often, when we’re talking about the trials in our lives, I would heard them saying “Who cares?” And of course they're right.

How many times we often get ourselves affected by something, only to realize in it's completely a waste of effort? We focus on and become distracted by issues in our lives, worry and let our imagination create all kinds of horrible scenarios. The worry just builds and goes on and on. It made us unproductive, eats away our energies and totaly unhelpful to us in having a balanced and complete version of ourselves.

These kind of thinking may take us over if left unchecked, and most of the time end up becoming a habit instead of a choice. I need a something to break the cycle, to wake me out of my wits of my imbalanced feelings.

And this works for me, the simple phrase: “So what? Who cares?”. I even try to say it to myself with some shoulder action. Spoken once, this phrase automatically stops the flow of my thinking and makes me smile.
Said repeatedly, and the truth of the message starts to sink in.

Didn’t have the job I wanted? So what? Seriously, does that truly matter to the overall reality of my existence?
Not where I wanted to be at this age? Haven’t achieved as much as I planned to? Who cares? Nobody, only me. I am also the only one who can do anything about it.
In the grand divine plan of things, I am but a tiny dot on an even more insignificant planet. Who’s noticing what I am and am not doing? No one. Just me. Who cares if I am the person I think I should be? No one. Just me. How significant are the trials in my life? Are they anything more than a tiny glip on the fabric of the universe?
I am trying to let go of all my insignificant concerns and turn my attention towards amazing possibilities and profound moments that is due my very existence. I become so busy complaining and getting affected
over and by small things that I haven’t realized there’s a whole wondrous world right behind me.

Really, no one but you cares about what’s happening in your life. This being the case, why would you bother to worry about the small and the insignificant? Sure, some attention might need to be paid to sorting out the "normalcy" of your life. But any extra energy spent on these areas is a waste. Let's try a little tough love on ourselves. When we find ourselves worrying over something or getting angered up about an issue, ask ourselves “So what, who cares?”
Then admit that we owe ourselves so much more than this pointless waste of energy. We deserve to be delighted, inspired, peaceful and energized.

Who cares? I care. I care that you make the effort to spend your energy in a way that is meaningful, in a way that counts.

If You Only Have Six Months To Live

I don't want to sound morbid, nor anything in particular, it's just that I was reading Paulo Coehlo's Veronica Wants To Die and I just had this thought. You see, the story is about a young woman who committed suicide by swallowing a handful of sleeping pills thinking that her life is so normal with no excitement and sense and ending it is the best thing to do. Only to wake up after in a mental institution, and finding out that the result of her act was a heart malfunction that she only has a few days to live. Ironic, however, this made her rethink about her life and realized that there are more reasons to live, (read the book and find out what happens, it's not what you think!)

Anyway, so there, I had this thought, what if we only have six months to live our lives? What do we do with the time we have?


Who would wespend our time with? Are we spending our time with them now? Are there ways we can plan to spend more time with them? Can we more fully experience and treasure the time we spend with them now?

What would we want to do more of? Would we travel? Is there somewhere we’ve always dreamed of going but for some reason have never put the plan into action? Would we spend more time outdoors, or expressing our creativity, or listening to music? Would we wake up earlier? Would we eat differently? Are there things we would want to learn more about? Are there activities and hobbies we would want to try?

What would we let go of and do less of? Would we still want to go to our workplace (maybe not all day everyday) or would we quit immediately and never look back? Would we watch the same amount of TV or are there more meaningful things we’d want to do with our time? Would gossip and drama still interest us in our everyday conversations? Would we spend as much time playing computer games and surfing the net? Would we still enjoy the company of the people we spend most time with now?

If we wouldn’t continue to do what we’re doing now if we found out we only had six months left to live, then why are we doing it now?

Sure we might need to work in order to plan for a hopefully long and healthy future, but do we have to do the work we are currently doing if we don’t find it rewarding?

If we don’t start to make changes now, then when will we? If we acknowledge that the quality of our lives doesn’t reflect our vision of what it could be, then when do we suppose we will achieve an improved quality of life?

Don’t wait for a tragedy to be forced into rethinking our lives.

Today, do less of one of those things that isn’t included in the overall vision of your life, and do more of one of those things that is included. I know I will.