This blog contains opinions, experiences, thoughts and observations of the author from his day to day living.
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There is no intention to offend, discriminate nor degrade anybody or anything for that matter, only shared feelings, emotions and angsts at the moment.
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Thursday, November 17, 2011

What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do - A Post Hajj Holiday Result

It's been a week now since the Hajj holidays had ended and what did I do? Like all plans, when you laid it all out on your table, making sure each detail was thought meticulously...will almost always never happen. I never went anywhere, well except a few trips around the neighborhood for some photo opps, but mostly within the confines of my own room.
I did clean and rearranged my room, washed and ironed most my clothes and threw away some clutter and unnecessary things!
I did find some time to finish some books that had been collecting dusts on my bookshelf. I did watched movies and television series. Sleep, sleep and sleep. Had some "fun," well a few, sorry, can't help it! I found time for myself, as in just for myself.
Talking about time for myself, I had some inner searching and and thought a lot about my life for the past few years. Yes, here I go again, reviewing what I did and did not do. The mistakes I did and whether I learned from them or worst, repeat the same mistakes!
I had some hits and misses, there where highlights and low times. But I came to a question which I never know the answer to - what do to do when I don't know what do?
I don't know what to do next. I know that there are people out there  who don’t know what to do with their lives and those who constantly wonder when they're going to figure out the answer. We are all in the same boat, and whether we sink together or swim for our dear life is up to us. I don't know how many times have I asked myself that same question, I lost count. Sometimes I asked myself, "maybe I'd be a writer," and will try my best to write, but soon, because I get easily distracted, I lost interest and leave it.
There isn’t a day that goes by during the holidays without me wondering privately or aloud, what I should do with my life. I thought about it multiple times a day. It’s become worse looking back in years for a few reasons. One is due to the fact that I’ve realised that I cannot do what I am doing now forever as it simply isn’t stimulating enough for me to do all day for decades. The other reason is as I see around me and see the people I know and used to know (Facebook)  moving into the next phase of their lives and I feel the desire to move into the next phase of my life too. Deciding what form that meaningful interaction will take is more of a challenge than I’d bargained for.
In the end, I had understoond that it is a process of discovery, about ourselves and what we want. It’s not as simple as taking a career test. It is a process of trial and error. It is a journey. We’ve been taught that we should have this figured out for the most part by the time we leave school, which is crazy. It is natural to feel frustrated and despairing. But when we start to feel hopeless, there is always that voice inside us that we need to listen to and follow, over and over, for this voice will be our guide, we have to trust ourselves and what are we capable of, detach from our mind and emotions of trying to think hard and reaching the height of our frustrations, instead feel our uniqueness for the fact we have arrived to this question we are someone special. The majority of people don’t ask themselves this question, they’re quite happy to work along within what everyone else is doing, and if they’re not happy, they will find ways to justify what they’re doing. Let us inspire ourselves, there are a lot of books to read, blogs, movies even songs to alleviate our frustrations and hopelessness and lastly we need to act on it. When we don’t know what to do for sure, try something that might be on the right path. Think of maybe changing into a different career and that there's a need to retrain. This may seem like a waste of time, but the important thing is that it started some momentum which may begin to feel like action is possible. From this learn a little more about what's needed to do, and find another lead about what to do next, and see how begins the move forward and how begins a feeling of excitement about the journey again.

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