Where Are You Christmas?

Where are you Christmas?
Why can't I find you? Why have you gone away...
Where is that laughter you used to greet me
Why can't I hear music play..

It is the month of joy and laughters and gift giving, and yes I should be festive.
But in a country where it is not celebrated and when caught could land you in jail
how do we really get to feel the spirit? Yes it is cold, winter winds send chills all over...but where are the trimmings? Where are the music? Red and greens, dazzling lights, everyone's excitement and looking forward to parties and endless barrage of festivites?

Not here, I am not procratinating, I am just feeling a little empty. I used to love it when December comes, when I was very young. I get to have new clothes, new toys, I get to see and be with my cousins and overstuffing ourselves with food prepares by our mothers and aunts.

As I grow older, I get to lose that spirit.
I get more serious. My work fill most of my waking moments.
Right now am trying to find my purpose in life and what I needed to do, which makes me lose it really and then I heard this song "Where Are You Christmas" by Faith Hill and it struck me deep.

I told myself, hey, it is exactly what I am feeling.

My world is changing
I'm rearranging,
Does that mean Christmas
Changes too..

I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you had let me go...

And I find myself crying once again. I searched deep inside and think about what Christmas really is all about, sounds a cliche' but I realized that the memories I had enjoying Christmas as a child never did left me. It is here inside my heart.
I can always go back into that moment and relive it in me.

I can always feel the joy and love I had each childhood Christmas I had, and that's the most important thing.

Amidst the culture and the loneliness I feel here in the Middle East away from every loved one I have, they will always be near, and I just need to close my eyes and see them in my mind and my heart will do the rest.

So finding myself does not mean losing some of those feelings and memories of the past. These can be our guide that as life unfolds itself, joy and happiness does not really leave us. Life is not as complicated as it comes, it's all in the mind.

The joy of Christmas, stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart, with love....