I Don't Want To Survive, I Want To Live

What if death comes knocking at your door and you are caught in your pyjamas? In real life it does come when we least expect it. We are never ready.

What the hell am I talking about?

At this point in my life, I feel like I am still not living it to the fullest. It feels stuck. But in my heart of hearts, the fire of adventure and life is burning endlessly and I am being restless nowadays.


I am compelled to take a risk but there are things that held me back. So I need courage which I lack. How and where would I get this courage, well, there is only one place, I can find it only in my heart and at the moment it is hidden somewhere between fickle-mindedness, attachment and laziness. I really need to wake up.

As another Lunar year ended and another started, a new beginning is on the horizon, and how to begin, or rather what to begin is another question. Or should I just continue what I have already began?

Many moons before I share that being here in this place had its reasons, I think I already found out the reason why, it's probably I was fated to be here in this country to find myself, my true self, in a place where morality and conservatism is being upheld with an iron fist, where most times I am in my room with much time to think and to look back into my life; and it's a roller coaster ride of emotions and feelings that sometimes it felt like I am going crazy. I know I am doing the right thing of knowing myself first and what I want before courage comes in. Before my heart says I am ready and here is the courage for you to take that first step on your journey to real life.

And there is so much to do, so much to see and we all have so little time. Time, yes, what is time really? Isn't it now? That TIMEmoment we call NOW? I am in the NOW, we all are, and we have to live it without pretentions, without fear, with love and with dignity.

At least when death comes knocking at my door it will find me in my travel clothes. I may not live half the life I am dreaming of, but half is not already bad. My life right now is a life of survival, living it just to make ends meet. I don't want to survive, I want to live. I am ready to live.