No Regrets

Back from a month long hiatus, been busy with work and other stuff (basically nothing that interesting and most of the time just bumming around, too lazy for reasons even I could not understand), well anyway, been listening to this song over and over to the point of memorizing each line, it's called No Regrets by Robbie Williams,

No regrets / they don't work
No regrets / they only hurt
Sing me a love song
Drop me a line
Suppose it's just a point of view
But they tell me I'm doing fine

I tried to recall the things I have done in my life that I should be regretting, like a movie in my mind I rewinded and forwarded each event, every memory I could search in the deepest caverns of my mind, and hoping that there are things that I did that was significantly regretable. I saw and found very few. So I tried again, same way, still the same events stood out.

You see I rarely regret things I did, say and do. One of my views in life was if I did it, I'd stood by it. I may say sorry if I hurt someone, but what's done is done and we can never take it back. Words said, and didn't say, acts done and did not done at all. Bottom line, it's a choice, we either choose what is right and what is wrong, that simple.

Whatever consequence our choices would bring, we just have to accept it, if it hurts, sulk on it and then move on; if it brings happiness, wallow in it and then off to another, again that simple.

Yes, there were a few events and things that I regret, but the harm was done and I just moved on. I could mention a few like if I could only be more closer to my father things would have been different today, or if I finished my studies my life would have been a little easier. Nevertheless, like what I just mentioned, what's done is done.

My life is not that great, but it's my life. Am I happy with it and the result of the choices I made? Sometimes, and I do try, but no regrets. Given the chance would I make the same choices I made? I may.

There are still many choices to be made, each minute, each hour and each day, for the rest of my life. Whatever choice I make, I'll stick it out and just live it.

I heard somewhere that life is too short to regret, and it is. Our lifespan is getting shorter and shorter, why waste regretting for the remaining days?

No regrets. Not that much. No regrets, not to anything, because at that point in time, it was exactly what I wanted.

1-11-11 (January 11, 2011)

Another phenomenon that happen only once in a lifetime, January 11, 2011 numerically 1/11/11.
I am guessing there are groups of people finding this a bit odd, significant, exciting, dreadful and or cool.
What about when the time comes to 11:11 AM/PM? so now we have 1/11/11 11:11. It's like today is a day of firsts, like January 1, 2011 (1/1/11), I believe we are being made aware of finding our priorities in life, to put things in perspective, to more aware of our actions and be more keen to the call of the universe.
Whatever the significance of this day, it is up to us, we can also just shrug it off and say, it's just an ordinary day, but why not try to make it special?
I am reminded of the much anticipated December 21, 2012 event that the Mayans predicts. It is not that far in the future but in fact, next year.
Maybe this year is a time for preparation, for what? Whatever we need to prepare for so that when the great shift in time and consciousness comes we are ready. SO why not start on something? Who knows it will lead you to something that you never have thought you could and know, discovering that there is so much more in you that you ever realized.

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer. ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Today is the first day of the new year, ironically it falls on a rare numeral phenomena of 1-1-11, and what's instore?

1 is a significant number, for it's a number to begin with. We always strive to be our best, a winner, on top, number 1.

That is the best place to be, when you know how to be there. What am I trying to say?
We struggle throughout our lives in order to have a life, a life of our own design, our own creation, our own vision. More often we never have that life, and there are but few who got them. Why?

There may be a lot of reasons, one would probably, we get lost along the way. The world is equipped with forces and energy that hinders our growth as human beings. We are easily distracted by the things that replaces our ideas and enthusiasm with other wordly temptations, and then we forget about our dreams or simply give up.

We are thought when we are young to be always number 1, so we play harder, study well, be confident and smart. But as we grow up, reality bites and we find ourselves looking for ourselves in the vast ocean of human decay.

But there's always hope, and to dream to be on the number 1 spot, of our own standards, is never gone, there is hope when we believe once more, to search within ourselves for inspiration and have the strength to find the path long lost and follow it once again.

No matter how much we fail, it does not matter, no matter how long it takes, does not matter the same even if it is harder the next time. It's how we proceed, to go on unceasingly until we find ourselves at last, under that spotlight of being number 1.

A New Year's Eve Confession

I have a confession to make, I have an addiction.

Shocking right? It's been enslaving me for as far as I can remember. It got me to a lot of situation that is never ok, that sometimes when I am feeling sober or momentarily free from it, it still follows me. It haunts me. It drags me down.

Yes it gives me joy, I am so in need of it that however fleeting, I'll take it.

I need to rehabilitate myself, will not be that easy, but I need to try. I must try for my sake. One thing though, I hope it's not too late, and if it is. I have the rest of my life to make up for it.


I would like to start on a clean slate this year and maybe it would turn out better.
There were many wasted opportunities to do things, but I never pursued them.
I recalled this year's resolutions and none stuck out. I'd only start but never got to finished, not only one but actually a lot and am not proud of it.

I've been trying to find myself, to bring out my inner self for the past several months now. Hoping that it would help but it's a struggle. It's a war between my soul and my ego, a clash between my body and mind, my heart and my addiction. Choosing between God and the Devil. Because of this, everything I do is always under my own scrutiny, my own evaluation, did I do right? did I do wrong? will doing it like this be benefial or should I do it the other way around?

Will the words I say can cause harm? How can I help? How, why, what, where, when!

My spiritual teacher had told me that the path towards the inner self is never easy, and also never hard. One had to only believe and let go of what's holding one back.
To let our soul guide us by tuning into what it is telling us through listening to our hearts. My heart is crying out loud, but I can barely hear it because of my cluttered mind and restless ego. He also told me of a hope, that all these are but a part of breaking down the walls I have built around me, breaking down of a bondage in order to let myself free. Free from this addiction, free from guilt, from my ego-self.

I know I am a good person, in my own definition. I always accept whatever life throws at me without any complains, thinking that I deserve them. If it is something
nice, then I take it as I did good at one point, and if it happens to bring loneliness, dishearten feeling, then I might have done the other.

I think I need some help, this time. I never asked for help. I always rely on myself that I am my own person and that I can handle and control this addiction.
I feel I am living a double life, and it is not right. But first, I need to help myself before I let anyone in. Dig deeper at the roots of this thing that blocks the positive energies from coming. I need to be stronger this time.


I am an addict, am not proud of it. But I accept it as a part of me, that to live through it, and succeed in living without is to find my true self, How I am suppose to be, Who I am, What I am here for, Where I am to be and When it will be.

New Year, brings new hope, new chance and a new start.

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

New Year In Focus

We are about to say goodbye to 2010 and say hello to 2011 and what do we hope for this time? I am pretty sure if we make a list of things to do this coming year, we will end up with a list as same as the one we made at the beginning of this ending year.
Which means, we have not really done what we intended to do this year. Which means, probably we did not do our best, or we did not even bother to follow them. It may mean also that for some reason plans were diverted into other things. Or simply, we wrote them just for the sake of having a list or a resolution.
We plan ahead, but as days pass by, we simply lose track of our goals, intentions and hopes. Life has its way of screwing things up, and letting us fail.
But what will drive us this time? I can only think of some ways like minding our choices.
If we will keep our focus on the things that we wanted to happen in our lives, we just have to keep walking on the path towards it. Yes, there will be times when we lack the drive, the energy or the inspiration, but we should not let our goals slip through our hands. It is ours for the taking, and we can reach it, if we really want it.
I am guilty of this, and yes, it is a cliche to say I told myself this time I'll stick to it, but who knows, maybe I will. There is nothing wrong to keep on trying, even the greatest men failed more than they succeed, but ain't it the sweetest thing when you strive for something and eventually get it?
So this coming year, I had a few, yeah, this time I keep it to a minimum, in my list. We'll see, we will see.