12 Laws of Karma - The Law Of Growth

It simple says that wherever we go, there we are. Known as the Law of Growth, change should always begin with ourselves. If we try to escape life in order to flee from any situation, it will be pointless because the problem is ourselves. Wherever I  go, I will still be "there" with all my issues and problems.

Our human nature often suggests we have the power to change everything and everyone around us, this law says that we have to start with ourselves instead. Because it is the beginning of true growth toward clarity, enlightenment and eventually fulfillment. It will be easy to change circumstances outside ourselves in the hope of finding peace and joy, in reality that true peace and joy come when we change ourselves, inside and out, that will affect everything around us.

A 9-Day Hajj Holiday Activities and Reflections

At last, it is the start of a 9-day no-work day! It is my hope that it would be filled with exciting activities and productivity, creativity and inner-searching.

I have some plans going in and out of Riyadh with people here, will practice photography and dare to collect as many pictures as possible and have it critiqued and selected for my plan of holding my own mini photo exhibit when I go home for a vacation next year.

Be creative and try to redo my room and finish some projects I already put on hold for quite sometime. Organize clutter in my room and in my mind!

Finish some books, hang out do movie marathons,  and the rest would be for sleeping and resting.

But I will try to find time to reflect about my life here in Saudi Arabia, up to this point I still don't know if I am a success or a failure here. I must admit four years is less time to evaluate, but I know myself, when I start to ask questions about my existence in a particular place and time, it is time to think, to weight things, the pros and cons.

To start with my reflections I will admit is that I failed tremendously in establishing friendships here. I think there is something wrong with me. Maybe I try to get too close and eventually got too comfortable and didn't think about the words I say and things I do offends. Maybe because I always see the bad first before the good, and no matter how I bring up the good, the bad always turns me off. Maybe sometimes I talk too much and too little. I really don't know, but I am left with almost nobody here. It is lonely.

I hope these holidays will bring some good in me, irregardless. Will let you know in these coming days.

Feeling Like A Nobody

It’s easy to get discouraged and feel like a nobody. Maybe doing something drastic or praise-worthy, change of group or circle of friends is the answer. I look forward to the day when my  name is called and people finally see and hear me.

However, being known doesn’t change the problem of being a nobody. It just changes the location. Now instead of being an unknown in my old group, I am unknown in a bigger crowd.

The fact is, even famous people get lost in the crowd. It’s a tough reality, especially when I feel like alienatedor worst maybe not needed anymore. Over the past weeks, I’ve had my share of concerns that I am just another person in the crowd, a passing friend, even thinking everything I do to another person even in the "goodest" of intentions are almost always misconstrude.

Now that I start to feel like a nobody, I think I need to give myself a mini-pep talk, which includes these four points in one form or another:

1. Lower my expectations.

I am a little naive, and I am too trusting at times that I got run over. Honestly I don't mind cause I put people on a pedestal, especially those I get to care about and loved. Problem is, the moment they slip up, I tend to lose heart and I find it hard to held them in high regards again. So I tend to keep distant which is mistaken that I didn't care, but what I am trying to do is just keeping distance in order to see them in another perspective and make clear to me why I put them in such a high importance in my life. Sometimes I see why, and sometimes I don't. But I was already given the cold shoulder treatment by the time I find out.

2. I speak my mind too often

I am not sure whether it is right or wrong to speak one's mind outloud, and say the right words at the wrong time, or the wrong words at the right time. I forget that people can be sensitive at times and I get to be insensitive, and people can be insenstive and I am just plain stupid.

3. Misunderstood

Frankly speaking, I would rather not talk nor act on something or anything, 'cause  I am always misunderstood. But even if I chose not to move or say anything, still it is understood that I, yes, didn't care at all.

4. I care too much and get too close for comfort

I learned the hard way that getting too close to anyone is not a good thing, there should always be a space in between or what do we get? You guess it right, when two bodies are too close , as my physics teacher told me, it creates friction. Oh well, so much for being a close friend, I got too comfortable thinking that everything I do or say will just be taken on a stride. I was dead wrong.

So being a nobody because of these points really sucks, but nevertheless opens my mind and eyes to the degree of relationship I have with the people I came to know. So what now? I am not sure at all, really, I am too far to the people in which I am not a nobody and I have to live with this feeling for now.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Miss Morals 2011 Saudi Arabia

It's been a while since I last read the daily paper and today I asked our reception guard if he has an extra English paper, smilingly he gave me one. I am not expecting much to read, so and so news about Gadhafi's family and fortune, the ongoing war in Syria, price hikes and so on and so forth. But my face brighten up when I caught sight of something quite unusual. no, not unusual, it can even be unexpected and yes, surprising. I never thought I'd see one or even hear such an event ever occuring in this part of the world.

In the paper today was this article about a beauty pageant held in Al Qatif in the Eastern Province, although not the traditional parade of beauties in bikinis and gowns, this one is quite different.

At first thought, I cannot imagine how the contest went through, or maybe they removed their abayas and tarhas and only wear them again for the photoshoots? Or were they judge for the most beautiful eyes? I find it quite amusing seeing the women in sashes, crowns and boquets in their black covers, until I read the whole article.

When Miss Universe and or Miss World rely much on the physical aspect of the contest, this one is all about "inner beauty," pun intended. This young women were judged base on their achievements in school, home, social events, community service as well as religious duties. The contest is open to all young women and this year as the news stated there were 385 participants. These young women once applied were closely monitored for a few months. "They must enroll in educational and training programs and apply what they learn in their courses, including morals, Islamic education, psychology, human rghts affairs and child development," - Amal Al-Sibal, Saudi Gazette 24 Oct 2011

After taking such activities these women were assessed and interviewed and the young woman who is most capable of servicing her community is chosen as Miss Morals.
Surely a twist to what we know of beauty pageants. Or course this event is for women only and held in women only venue. One thing to add is that this has been going on for 4 years already.
The goal of Miss Moral pageant is "to bring out the best in the young people in the Kingdom and to produce ethically guided social leaders."
It is also suggested by the organizers that a pageant of the same kind would be held for the young men of the country, thus Mr. Morals, and that I have to see!

Unbecoming Of An Adult

Was talking via Facebook Video with my sister and her daughter yesterday which was great for I miss them very much. I was moping these past few days due to some issues that they "forgot" to tell me about. I was a little hurt by it and being the eldest I felt I was left out (add to that the recent incident at work, and what do I got?...never mind.) But all melted away when I watched my niece happily playing with her toys and the new tricks like clappijng her hands and doing some dance movements. Hearing her child-talk and simply looking at her mom, in such a way that she adores her. Wish I was with them with my camera. Anyway, here's the real issue,

Who do we think of when we hear the words: pouting, moping, and the silent treatment?
When I think of these words I usually think of  kids, babies, or even a teenager who hasn’t got their way. These are pretty typical responses for people who haven’t got the emotional maturity of adults.

But wait, we’re how old?

Yes, tantrums, pouting and emotional blackmail are not just for babies anymore. If we have ever been receiving an adult tantrum or pout fest then you know what I’m talking about. If it’s our child, parent, sibling, friends, co-workers who often behaves in these ways there are some things we can do to cope and not get sucked into their drama.

Let's stop taking it personally. Easier said than done, I should know. But remember as I learned that we can’t control how others act, react or deal with issues. We can only control how we react or respond to what they are doing or how they are treating us. So what I did was distance myself from what’s going on, get some air and then respond in a manner that allows me to stay true to myself. People only do what they can get away with. We should not allow someone to treat us poorly or disrespect us or they will continue to do it.  

I had this done whenever I am a little bit full of other people's drama, I simply walk away. If we are being treated poorly or disrespected don’t be afraid to walk away. It may be really difficult especially if we don’t want to rock the boat but by walking away we are sending a very clear message that we will not tolerate their behavior. It may be awkward at first but given enough time they’ll get the picture.

I read that we don’t have to be part of the problem.  If we comply with their “demands” or bend over to get them to stop pouting we are giving in to their behavior. It’s easy to say but much harder to do. No one likes to be ignored by someone they love and most of us would do anything to get them to talk to us again. But by doing that “anything” we are telling the other person that it’s okay to manipulate me to get what you want. If we’ve been putting up with someone’s adult tantrums for a while then it’s pretty obvious that we love them dearly. I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t tolerate it from a co-worker or casual acquaintance. In any event we need to stand up for ourselves if we are to put an end to this behavior.

I had my adult tantrums and nobody cared with how I felt, in my "aloneness" I realized I was just being childish. It was no big deal to start with. I was the adult with a tantrum and it didn't made me feel good or even made me feel I am a better person.
A note to those of you having adult tantrums, be they at your home or in your workplace, the tantrums are really unbecoming. Really.

Love In Between Tradition and Beliefs

Weekend, like every weekend before, I just stayed home and watched movies, something to pass time, if I am not reading or mastering my camera. One thing about me is that I love movies that is not conventional, something special that not a lot of people would like to talk about  or would shy away to see, or am I being too indifferent? Anyway, it has been part of my daily internet surfing to find good GLTB movies, not the exquisitely sensual types, ok, yeah, sometimes, but those dramas, comedies, romance and suspence movies that basically about the lives and loves of the GLTB community.

Without me knowing it, I finished watching two movies that really tackled very sensitive topics but were dealt with lightly and semi-lightly. It's about love overcoming trandition and religion. One is gay and the other is lesbian.

My very first lesbian movie, and I never thought I'd love it this much, I Can't Think Straight stars two gorgeous women who's portrayal of closeted lesbians just caught me off guard, not to mention being a Catholic-Arab and a Muslim-Hindi (and how about that for starters!) made the movie interesting and poignant. Both families were traditional, and both were expected to follow their parent's choices for them, even when it comes to love. Family loyalty and respect were jeopardized when they fell in love. Good thing the setting was in the modern age, so people tend to be a little bit open, well after a lot of denials and dramas. Enough said. One thing though, I will never looked at lesbians the same way again.

The other is called A Touch Of Pink, where a gay Muslim-Pakistani who's mother visits gets to find out that her son is living with a man whom she thought first were a housemate. But eventually the truth was revealed and broken hearted not to see his only child get married and have grandchildren leaves. But mothers are mothers, they cannot abandoned their child however their child turn out to be. So a reconciliation and acceptance lead to a happy ending. Enough said again.

I will not divulge much of the movie, cause it is better if you people of the blog watch it, it will be worth the three hours in front of the TV, I promise. The sexual content were a minority, and were dealt with artistically and as a part of the story and not graphic.

I really believe in love,  love that transcends through the hardest of adversities. After all, we are here because of love, so why some people put a label on it? Why we sometimes define love? Love is beyond everything we understand it to be, and if we cannot understand the very core from which love evolves, we will never get pass the point of prejudice, hate, limiting beliefs, indifference and intolerance. Does it matter when two men or two women fall in love? Are there really rules in love?  Is it written somewhere that love should only be between a man and a woman? There are so many debatable questions about love, and to add to the pointless argument, the subject of tradition and religious beliefs, combine that with narrow-mindedness and closed hearts and minds and what have we got? A totally messed up world.

We are made to love and feel love, share love and be loved. It makes us human, it makes us divine. It's our one way ticket to eternity, and we have but a short time to learn about love.

But human as we are, we  love to scare and limit ourselves by setting rules, religion and all those beliefs that imprisoned our souls and hardened  our hearts and not to mention closed our minds.

These two stories had in them powerful messages about love, being true to oneself, to be brave to stand and fight for one's freedom to choose whom to love. No matter and whatever people might say, nobody and nothing can ever tell us who we are and how we should be. We may be outcasted, disowned, hated and be judged, but as long as we stay true to who we are, nothing else matters.

Don't Drown In It

"Go all the way or go home."
"Give it everything you've got."
"Go for it."

"It's all or nothing."

These are all the same and meant only one thing, to get involve fully in what we are doing. BUT not so far that we drown in it.
When are are working on something, talking with a friend, even running a mile, whatever it is that we are doing at the moment, give it all we've got. Participate fully.

I know we had this so called "ningas kugon" attitude, we start something we don't finish, or because our heart or mind are not into it, we do things lightly and foolishly. And it should not be so. Sometimes we are too involve that we loose ourselves, this we should be aware of.

Give it our full attention. Remember the most important person is the person we are with at the moment. However, do not let ourselves get carried away that we forget about the limits and boundaries we need to set otherwise we will be overstepping the line and become someone too controlling and self-worthy. Our full undivided attention, to make things and situations better and giving ourselves and not our egos, a pat on a shoulder that we did the right thing.

Feel – the wind, the sun, the rain, the heat, the cold, the empathy, the compassion.

Sense – the emotion, the fear, the anger, the adrenaline, the wonderment, the joy.
Hear – the cars, the chatter, the thunder, the voice of our companion, the laughter, the sobs of our friend

Then when we’re done … let it go. Move on. Forget about it.
Good or bad, big or small … don’t drown in it, we often were in a sinking boat and we keep climbing into it, wouldn't it better to let go and just swim ashore?